a case of teh Mdays

the good

in the spirit of alex haley, who recommended "find the good and praise it," the good, today:

Halo 22:



the whiff of awitha teetha at the end of the above.

100IM.

morsels.

pisces; Only Revolutions.

the building not shaking quite so badly.

u-pick apples.

MFBT.

86

Grandmother
she sits on the edge of the bed and cries,
wishing that things were different.
she wonders when she began to feel this empty
and whether it's a permanent condition.
her husband does everything in the world to help
a stranger on the street
but he won't listen to her -- tells her
you don't need to read the directions.
her grandchildren visit occasionally
and she greets them with gifts:
a new book or game or small toy.
when she's caught by surprise, she rushes upstairs
to wrap one of her skirts or bracelets,
a piece of love her husband gave her years ago.

the doctor is too young, she says;
how would someone so young understand these feelings?
she squeezes her eyes shut and wonders if this is
a permanent condition.
(7 jan 1993)

my grandmother is 86 today. in general, she's physically healthy, but in the past month she's eliminated utensils from her narrowing focus and now eats with her hands.

i heard an interview with a woman who'd just written a book about caring for two parents with dementia. it's like watching them die twice, she said. first the person you know dies, then the body follows.

i wish i'd known this 13 years ago, so i could have told grandmother it wasn't permanent.

for arg, and MZD

roses are red
scranton is nORth
clinton got digs in
and blue sallies fORth

our differences bind us

[13:27] [finn]: so i spose u r not up for tues nite track tonite?
[13:28] [F]: i was just going to talk to you about that....i can run this week, but it won't be today
[13:28] [F]: i need to get used to it
[13:28] [finn]: warrior heart.
[13:28] [finn]: is u.
[13:28] [F]: i worked out sunday and the results weren't good
[13:29] [F]: so i'm trying to easily get into it w/o fainting
[13:30] [F]: u get used to it
[13:30] [finn]: whatev.
[13:30] [F]: see before it wasn't that bad bc we cud break our fast like 5
[13:30] [F]: now it's 6:50
[13:30] [F]: every year it's earlier
[13:30] [finn]: sundown gets earlier?
[13:30] [F]: no like every year ramadan is pushed up by like 2 or 3 weeks
[13:31] [F]: so soon it'll be in the summer
[13:31] [F]: that means the days are much longer
[13:31] [finn]: oh...what marks the start?
[13:31] [F]: so you have to fast longer
[13:33] [F]: ummm...it's complicated i've never really understood it
[13:33] [finn]: like easter
[13:33] [F]: it's like when you see the ninth moon of the islamic calendar
[13:33] [F]: yeah like easter
[13:34] [finn]: dude, fasting in the summer will be even HARSHER.
[13:34] [F]: i know...but it'll make me stronger
[13:34] [F]: :-)
[13:35] [finn]: yeah, you look stronger already.
[13:35] [F]: i'll be running in the 100 degree weather w/o food or water in me
[13:35] [finn]: and fainting.
[13:35] [F]: and then i'll never sweat
[13:35] [finn]: and die
[13:35] [F]: lol
[13:36] [F]: i'll get used to it, it's all mental
[13:36] [F]: so when u wanna run this week?
[13:36] [finn]: whenever your ass wont faint on me.
[13:36] [F]: lol
[13:36] [F]: wanna go tom.?
[13:37] [F]: i'll hydrate real well tonight
[13:37] [finn]: w/beer?
[13:39] [F]: lol
[13:39] [F]: i can't drink for a month
[13:39] [finn]: oh god, it just gets worse & worse.
[13:40] [finn]: F, i luv ya & all, but i think you're a nutjob.
[13:40] [finn]: but i still respect u.
[13:40] [finn]: just want to make that cleer.
[13:58] [F]: lol...y do you think i am a nutjob?
[14:00] [finn]: cos you can do things way beyond my ken.
[14:00] [finn]: rly, i am just jealous cos i do not hv Warrior Heart.
[14:00] [finn]: and if i dont eat, or drink or sweat i will die
[14:00] [finn]: or be v cranky.
[14:01] [F]: lol....this is good for me finn, trust me.....it helps me be more disciplined
[14:01] [finn]: i can respect that.
[14:01] [finn]: as long as yr ass dont faint on me.
[14:01] [F]: i won't.....nothing will change in our workout schedule
[14:02] [F]: i'm still racing in november
[14:02] [finn]: kay.
[14:02] [finn]: mb we run tom then.
[14:44] [F]: u know, u r a warrior
[14:44] [finn]: not really.
[14:44] [finn]: unless warriors drown their stress in choc & whiskey.
[14:45] [F]: yum
[14:45] [finn]: NONE FOR YOU.
[14:45] [finn]: SUFFER, WARRIOR.
[14:45] [F]: i can still have chocolate
[14:45] [finn]: when it's dark.
[14:45] [finn]: uv got a ways to go.
[14:46] [F]: ur beggin for a spankin:-P
[14:47] [finn]: i see hunger hasnt dulled yr brainpower.
[14:47] [finn]: yet.

Ramalamadingdong

F and i have a rolling date to run sunday afternoons. this past sunday he texted me this:
run w o me... fasting statred tod. feel too waek. sory.
even on his shittiest days, F can spell passably well, so i infer that fasting has really fucked him up.

wait. fasting?!?

for all his afghan-ness, it never occurred to me that F might be a practicing muslim. with his new acura, weakness for blackjack & roulette tables and affinity for barbados rum, F seems, well, like ME. american. corrupted and secular. so the fact that he celebrates ramadan was an eye-opener, as was the reality behind the fasting the holiday entails.

-- so, when can you eat? i asked him yesterday. at 6:30 in the morning he sounded like an old man, nasal and wavering.
-- well, i woke up at 5:40 – he paused for a gulp of air. ah, that was filling – and i’ll be able to eat at 7:20.
-- so, like in an hour.
-- no, like tonight. you fast from sunup to – gulp & swaller; ah, nummy – to sundown.
-- dude, that's harsh. how long do you do this?
-- a month.
-- a MONTH?? i screeched. that is outrageous. F is my main man, my munchable morsel, for the XC race in november. this fasting bit is a definite wrench in my works.

and even for a sedentary human bean, fasting for a month cannot be healthy, can it? to gorge yourself at night and fall into bed? or do you sleep during the day and graze all night? is it understood that, in the muslim world, people will be pretty much dazed and tottery for the next month? do businesses and stock markets close during that time when people will not be making very wise decisions?

i did a little research and came up with dr. shahid athar’s writings on the medical benefits of the ramadan fast:

There is a peace and tranquility for those who fast during the month of Ramadan. Personal hostility is at a minimum, and the crime rate decreases. This psychological improvement could be related to better stabilization of blood glucose during fasting as hypoglycemia after eating, aggravates behavior changes.

or it could be related to everybody being passed out on the kitchen floor! o folly folly folly. dr. athar also makes a case for not drinking during fasting time, arguing that dehydration is GOOD for you because it makes PLANTS live longer. right. dr. athar obviously wrote this treatise while dazed and tottery himself. it probably took him all month.

and what if you’re an athlete? your choice seems to be:

• train late in the day, on fumes
• train early, then eek out the rest of the day on a major glycogen bonk
  

either choice sounds like misery to me, and hell on your bod. did muhammad ali celebrate ramadan? if smokin’ joe frazer were smart, he’d’ve scheduled all his matches with ali in during ramadan.

ever-respectful of other people and their crackhead beliefs, i don’t tear apart the whole ramadan/fasting thing before F in his weakened state; but over the next couple weeks you can be sure i’ll be working on making him feel guilty about leaving me in the lurch.

because that is MY religion.

the cheese stands alone

the city had its way with our block on friday, reducing the delapidated building alongside to a pile of rubble. the air's now a mix of sodden carpets and old sofas with delicate septic undertones, and the homeless guy who used to live there is now, well, homeless again.





sexy chicken, quest que cest.

Rebranding

my company began a Rebranding effort in 2005. half a year later, all we'd accomplished was cosmetic updates, a fresh coat of paint (literally).

another 6mos later, after interminable late night sword-clashing sessions between ego-hound, navel-gazing designers, we have a new name and identity. our palette is rich, power colors and we’ve chopped down the number of syllables in our name from 9 to 2 – one less than razorfish. we are that damn tight. only god has fewer syllables, and his design skills are suspect. look at penguins for chrissake. i saw that March of the Penguins movie and that is just way too much effort for scant fucking ROI.

our new website will probably meander down the pike in another 6mos, but as far as demonstrable brand identity goes, we now have this:


that’s right. look and weep, my friends: a Vending Machine. it just arrived this week, with much hue & cry. there are Apple Snack Pies. Tiny Twists. Limited Edition Kudos (we're elite, but approachable). and, of course, cans of fizzy sugar.

this is Progress.

the VM is strategically placed at the front door to provide maximum WOW-ness to visiting prospects & clients. with our tiled elevator floors, partially-tiled vestibule and VM, what sensible person could fail to be impressed? game's up, razorfish/Avenue A. we've got the Vending Machine.

sneak attack

the weather’s turning. the air bites now, has an edge; there are colors on the other side. yesterday felt like the first day of fall.

-- that picture always makes me smile.

i am in my dermatologist’s examining room, where one wall is dominated by a picture of dr. b in a boat, hefting a 26-inch rainbow trout. he’s wearing a floppy hat with a trailing skirt that flows down his bare head over his shoulders. he looks supremely triumphant and at the same time utterly ridiculous. the picture always makes me smile, and i tell him so.

-- this is my happy room -- he confides. sometimes in the middle of the day i just come in here and sit. i sit in that chair you’re in and after a couple minutes i feel that yes, there is life after death.

that is good to know. because when i woke up the previous night flaying my skin off with my nails i really craved something dark and merciful to stop the itching and fever in my upper arm. it is good to know you can come back from that. what is my thing with the fucking insect bites, i want to know. but he has more to say.

-- i don’t have a place like this at home. it’s bare. it’s not me.

i came for dr. b’s opinion about my body’s virulent reaction to a bald-faced hornet encounter, but what i’m getting is his loneliness. when his wife left, he explains, she stripped the house and it no longer feels like home.

-- and i’m not the kind of person who likes to be alone. i can't see a movie by myself. i loved going to wine-tastings but i can’t go anymore because i just sit there making idle conversation, trying to ignore how uncomfortable i feel because i’m not part of a couple.

is this what it comes down to, then? sinking your life into someone else and giving half of it away ifwhen she leaves? revealing your delicate skin to an infrequent patient?

-- when did she leave?
-- a year ago.

who am i to advise a 50-something divorcé who's uncomfortable alone? i am on the opposite end of the spectrum. what's my line?

-- it’s not so bad when the weather’s warm and i can be outside. but in the winter… he shrugs and stares at his younger self. i don’t get out enough to meet people. i see my kids, sure, but most of my time i spend here and, well, i just miss wine-tastings.

he’s still focused on the boat but the life-after-death perspective is sluggish today. a shoulder twitch and suddenly he recalibrates.

-- enough of that. what’s up.

our discussion turns toward allergic reactions to venom and the possibility of anaphylactic shock, but it’s a superficial riffle atop the undertow. as dr. b ushers me out of the examining room i need to make some attempt to dispel the pall.

-- maybe you should take that picture home -- i said. put it in one of your rooms.

his head tilts slightly but i am a patient now.

-- perhaps. you should get an ana-kit. have a good fall.

i don’t have answers. i’m sorry.

but my 200 IM felt sublime today. it is a rare day when all 4 strokes click. this morning the water was an ally, and sometimes that is enough.

before the wrecking ball

the city informed us yesterday that the adjoining building will be demolished today.

-- is it safe? i mean, we're still gonna be here?? i ask HippieBossMan. no one told me stay home.
-- well, for a while. then we'll be dead.

the phones are already crackly and unpredictable, and our DSL connection drops periodically. supposively, our servers have been backed up & secured, but our Chief Tech Ottocrat has fled to beijing.

if the sitch gets dire, there's always the balcony. it's only a 4-story drop and there are some big planters below, with plenty of cigarette butts and a couple crack-whores for cushioning.

MF windoze

it's an easy cliché, the whole mac-PC argument, and taking up the cause against the opposing side is like arguing with a pro-lifer. neither of you will budge a fucking inch and you'll end up beating each other with umbrellas or whatever's at hand.

that said, rob's recent rant, jesus fuck i hate windows, is spot-on. all my woes summed in 2 competent paragraphs, featuring this observation:

every time i use it, microsoft's ugly hunk of shit operating system manages to find new ways to make me want to take a dump on my pc and light it on fire.

i have been sitting on my ass long enough. i think it's time to get a mac laptop.
maybe i'll even get net access at home.

wait.
let's not be hasty. it's a slippery slope.

history doesn't repeat itself

this weekend i went to see an ACLU-sponsored performance about a japanese-american's experiences in WWII internment camps. a month after pearl harbor, hiroaki nishimura was bustled out of his san francisco home and for the next 3 years shipped between hastily-constructed camps in california, wyoming and arkansas. his only offense was being japanese on the west coast.

in his writing, he's stoic and weirdly accepting of his loss of liberty -- it seems he and the other inmates thought that their blind obedience would prove their patriotism.

6 months after the war ended, nishimura was finally released.

18 years later, his american citizenship was restored. when the reagan administration agreed that all surviving internees should be remunerated, nishimura spent his $20,000 check on a brand-new honda accord.

during the time of the japanese-american internment, 10 americans were convicted of spying for japan. they were all caucasian. the attorney general would no doubt argue, well that's because we had all the others in custody.

after the peformance, i exercised my god-given american freedom to go out and buy hair color and liquor... on a sunday. the woman behind the counter registered my presence slowly, so engrossed was she in a Rolling Stone articled footered "torture."

-- i'm just reading about what bush is doing to all those people we're holding.
i felt like i was in a time warp.
-- mmm, happy reading, then.
-- you know, i didn't like him before, but now i like him even less.
-- with god on your side, you can do just about anything.

she looked at me uncertainly, passing over my whiskey and change.

history doesn't repeat itself. people repeat history.

another reason to stick around

[i thank god for the danielewskis, and the reznors and banksys.]

detox monday

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

John Waters

my lesions are better

hash is back, victorious. maria won the US Open. she's now officially the highest paid female athlete in the world, and she and her dad want to retain hash for all of 2007.

-- would you do it? - i asked.
-- i'm still considering, but i don't think so. with the World Cup, and then her, i've spent three-quarters of my year travelling. i didn't recognise my dog. i'd have to leave this place -- he swept an arm around the therapy area -- and maybe sell my house. but the money'd be great.
-- but you'd have no time to spend it.
-- right. but it's not so much the time. i was only working 8- or 10-hour days, but when you leave, you don't go home and hang out with your friends. you go back to your hotel room and watch the same shows.
-- you didn't get chummy with the other therapists & trainers? you've gotta see the same people over & over at these matches.
-- yeah, but the women are weird. the guys -- they go out and beat the shit out of each other on the court and then go out and have a beer. the women are just as competitive off the court as on it. you get caught hanging out with someone from another women's camp, and you're in deep shit. women are just different.

that's why most of my friends are men. women wear me out.

rudy pronounced me healthy, ready for battle. your lesions are so much better, m'dear. you can go back to full training. just don't be stupid. moi??

70 days to the DE XC championships, then. F has pledged to train with me, F with his shattered afghan family, marvelous cheekbones and new car of which he's so proud, an acura burbleburbleburble -- all i know is it's dark and sleek and i would go for a ride anytime.


hard to believe that at this time last week i was searching for things to live for.

when dogs laugh

this is sure to trigger another massive influx of mice into my litter box and the microwave:

To: The Dung Beetles
From: The Dung Beetle Administrator
Subject: Just a heads up... maybe

All,

Word from our man Luigi has it that the dilapidated building behind us will be demolished this week...if the City keeps it's word!!!

As an added precaution, when they start demolishing, save any work you are doing often and be prepared for the building to shake a little!!!!

Thanks,
The Dung Beetle Administrator

that "delapidated" building shares our rear wall. it used to be fine until the city got at it with wrecking balls last year. the "delapidating" would begin around 10am and desist at 2 -- meanwhile, the floor groaned with each impact, several whiteboards slid off the walls, and the exposed support beams shed showers of paint and dust. as a result of the historic Delapidation, the floor's now gently pitched so that anything cylindrical (like pens on a desk, and wheeled chairs filled with people) naturally roll to the back of the building.

to say we're awaiting Demolition with bated breath is an understatement.

lou and i discussed getting the fuck out of dodge and opening up a pub instead... but what to name it? he suggested The Winged Rat, quaintly evoking our urban surroundings, but since having learned that scientists now believe dogs chuckle, i'm partial to The Laughing Dog.

what does a laughing dog sound like? check this out. to me, it sounds like two pugs eating rice pudding, but i'm not a dog scientist.

Celebrate Banned Books Week

google's made it easy: explore banned books.

some of my faves there:

• gatsby (oooh she smells of money)
• LOTF (hey piggie)
• sun also rises (the red sun was pasted in the sky like a wafer)***
• as i lay dying (my mother is a fish)
• call of the wild (but mine was jack london's. oops)
• for whom the bell tolls (i prefer the metallica version though)
• anything by DH lawrence. how he must get christian preservative undies in a twitch!
• a separate peace (which i always moon for this time of year. i miss school.)
• naked lunch (why so pale and wan, fair bugger?)

if i were man enough i'd have ulysses up there, but i'm afraid i've fallen off the wagon with my page a day. didn't even get to molly's soliloquy, but i know the riverruns.

UPDATE
***oops that's stephen crane. well, same thing.

i had a dream like this last night.

skinny models banned

citing a responsibility to the impressionable yoot of the world, madrid has banned excessively thin models from its fashion week runways. onsite doctors will measure models' Body Mass Index and turn away anyone with a BMI under 18.

this action begs some questions:

• is it really possible to discriminate against skinny chicks, as modeling agencies are yowling?
• will designers have to re-size their collections to fit normal bodies?
• will clothes that look ridiculous on conventional models look twice as ridiculous on "normal weight" bodies?
• what time is lunch?

finally, would you make the BMI cut? here's a calculator (with metric & US tabs). i am In Like Finn. this may be MY only shot at the catwalk, folks.

i'm too sexy for my mice...

persevere

cheney and rumsfeld suggested we "persevere."

banksy posted a life-size guantanamo bay inmate in front of a pitch-pole fence inside a disneyland ride in anaheim.


rob recollected, with pics.

M and i went for a 2-hour ride.