reason #2009 why i love mac

don't think because it's a new year it's a new me. fat chance, esp when the idiocracy's still running full steam. today's scenario: i'm working in visio, via windoze XP running in virtual mode on the Lapple, when visio throws an alert telling me this particular operayshun requires a plug-in i'm missing and would i like to download it. sure, say i clickity-click, and am delivered to this page on the internets (click to embiggen):

it's an invitation to run a Validation Tool to "determine whether your Windows installation is genuine." how thoughtful! because that's exactly what i as a user on deadline wish to do right now. is there a git-around? can i obtain the visio plug-in without validating my OS?** do my socks match? no, no and no.

why do i love mac? cos it doesn't do this shit. fuck you microsoft.

oh and happy new year. i hope you didn't make any rash resolutions.


**validation code "fuck you" doesn't work, in case you were wondering.

i'm not dead teho

and here's what i need for xmas.


3 pls.

pretty much sums up the week...

no running.

no rhythm.
no end of work.
no sleep.
no patience.
no joy.

i do have kumquats tho. that somewhat eases the slings & arrows of outrageous fucktardery. so does slayer.

fuck fear, and death, and illness

talked to nina last night. she's finally home from the hospital, where she spent a week and a half in ICU battling a pathogenic strain of streptococcus pyogenes, the same kind of bacterial infection that killed jim henson at 53. she's really weak and she lost a lot of muscle mass in those 10 days.

- it takes me forever to get from the bedroom to the bathroom, and by the time i get back i have to go again.
- that's a pretty extreme way of giving up smoking - i said. she snorted.
- yeah, that won't last long.
- neens... don't you think you should be setting an example for your patients?
- fiiiinnnn - she mocked me - they're the reason i smoke in the first place.
- still. just stay off 'em another week, see if it makes a difference. can you do that?
- can you stop talking to me like i'm 5? so anyway, my sister came to see me the second day i was in ICU. i was sliding in and out of things, but i would overhear the docs talking and i got the gist of what they were saying. when my sister walked in she did a double-take, because she didn't know i was intubated, and she got flustered and started patting me all over. like there were bits of me escaping and she could stop them, you know? then she asked if the doctors knew what was going on and since i couldn't talk i wrote down "s.pyogenes" and "jim henson" on my notepad. she read the note, and then she said...
nina made a funny sound, like hiccups.
- she said "jim henson. oh."
more hiccups.
- then she said "did he come to see you? is he a friend of yours?"
- she didn't know who jim henson was?
- no. "did he come to see you?" yes, i wanted to say, and kermit was there with ms. piggy and animal the drummer... - nina fell into a fit of hic-ing which i then recognised as laughter which though feeble was welcome and terribly contagious. it was also an enormous release.
- heh heh heh - nina weezed, while i spiraled into a coughing fit.
- i told you not to make me laugh, you big jerk - i whined.
- cos that was really bad for you - she retorted.
a sudden thought occurred to me.
- hey, how's chloe?
- my sister took care of her and brought her back last night. since then she hasn't left my side. she does the bathroom trek and sits there looking at me while i'm on the crapper, and she's there at the side of the bed when i wake up. goddam dog. i think she's waiting for me to die so she can eat me. but, it's about time for another voyage of the good ship lollypoop.
- 'kay. love you neens. i'm glad you're okay.
- you and me both sweets. she hung up.

reason Number Two why i hate my cats

still buried like the wicked witch except that it's work not a house atop me and my shoes aren't nearly as cute. D off leading a XC ski trip somewhere where there is snow -- not here sob -- and whilst packing last night made a disturbing discovery.

- i went down to the basement to get my skis and while i was there one of the cats walked past the litter box, right by me, and then squatted in the corner of the boiler room and started to take a crap.
- right on the bare floor?!?
- on the bare floor. it wasn't the first time either. i've been finding the odd cat turd here and there, but i thought it was because the litter boxes weren't clean enough and the cats were pushing the old poops out. but it's not.
- fucking cats. oh i hate them. so what did you do?
- i picked her up mid-poop and threw her outside. she keeps doing this she's going to be LIVING outside. or in heaven.

i lobby for the latter, but if it's heaven she's going to i'll take the low road.

many thanks to E for reminding me that natalie dee loves cats too.

sometimes the holidays are just a shitstorm

xmas 2004: the tsunami
xmas 2005: pete leaves
xmas 2006: D's grandmother leaves
xmas 2007: bhutto gone

the NYT put together a short, visceral spread on the assassination.
RIP, BB.

i have worked my 6hrs for the week and now it is time to go ride my bicycle.

re-torte

oh we are against pat robertson.
we are against him and bloated bellies.
bitchslaps from new marketing directors.
and not being as clever as we should.

we are against dogs losing their owners.
TSA nazis in philly international.
benazir bhutto's marketing blitz.
and non-compete clauses.

we are against turd burglers
who natter interminably outside the bathroom door while we are pooing.
toilets that clog.
and wishing he'd text us.

we are against NOT being an island.
we are against losing our religion.
we are against growing old.

we are against being cranky,
but sometimes it cannot be avoided.

my heart is a liar

[some women] go through all this effort of working out, cross-training -- and then they get so depressed by some relationship that they can't even get out of bed. My agenda is: nobody's going to fuck with my velocity.

-- Carol Wolper