tuesday on the failwhale

windoze is crap.
crap.crap.crap.crap.crap.
and Stinky Tuna Man i have no great love for you either.


BRING ME MORSELS. i require them.


ohfuckme.
is an internet connection too much to ask?

reason #2009 why i love mac

don't think because it's a new year it's a new me. fat chance, esp when the idiocracy's still running full steam. today's scenario: i'm working in visio, via windoze XP running in virtual mode on the Lapple, when visio throws an alert telling me this particular operayshun requires a plug-in i'm missing and would i like to download it. sure, say i clickity-click, and am delivered to this page on the internets (click to embiggen):

it's an invitation to run a Validation Tool to "determine whether your Windows installation is genuine." how thoughtful! because that's exactly what i as a user on deadline wish to do right now. is there a git-around? can i obtain the visio plug-in without validating my OS?** do my socks match? no, no and no.

why do i love mac? cos it doesn't do this shit. fuck you microsoft.

oh and happy new year. i hope you didn't make any rash resolutions.


**validation code "fuck you" doesn't work, in case you were wondering.

i'm not dead teho

and here's what i need for xmas.


3 pls.

pretty much sums up the week...

no running.

no rhythm.
no end of work.
no sleep.
no patience.
no joy.

i do have kumquats tho. that somewhat eases the slings & arrows of outrageous fucktardery. so does slayer.

fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion

hopefully this will rub carrot-top out of your eyeballs.

i could go for same cake right now.

don't ask me to get you a cup...

last of the snow is giving way to the first ephemerals, and E and i rode in shorts yesterday, a lovely ride after a 4-hour high-tension meeting with a high-maintenance client whose social tourettes is worse than mine. the mayor was running through introductions when i entered the conference room, lured by the presence of REAL coffee. i was struggling to get the REAL coffee out of an alien, impassive machine when the mayor got 'round to me.

- and that's finn, our customer experience director. she'll act as your user advocate, getting in the heads of your customers to figure out how your application should work.

- only, i can't figure out the coffee machine - i said. my back was to her so i didn't see the client's face so she could have been joking when she gibed, THAT'S not a good sign then - but it didn't sound jokey.

i flounced to my seat and sulked while F made me a cup of french roast from a little packet thingie that would surely confound the most practised user experience expert. after 20min, we'd come to an Understanding, though, bonding over an intolerance of bullshit, vapid sales-speak and obsequious toadiers.

and when i finally got out of there, it was spring. and now it's friday.

the dead zone

every once in a while, i think it would be nice to have net access at home. if my house were wired i could download the bit-torrent of the Closure DVD, pump my post rate on the MZD and spiral forums, skype with adam, and surf all the nasty porn i wanted without worrying about Inscrutable Chinese Man discovering my secrets. worthwhile stuff, see.

but i'm not wired. DSL and FiOS aren't available, phone lines from the 30's make dial-up even more impractical, and the installation and monthly costs of satellite are outrageous.

get cable, said quasar. even if the installation is expensive, comcast will probably eat the cost to get you as a customer. NOBODY can't get cable, he professed.

so a call to comcast cable triggered an "evaluation," which generated this welcome letter from Paul DaBaldo, Construction Supervisor:

Dear Mr. Finn,
We want to extend a warm welcome to you as a possible new member of the Comcast family. Your request for cable service has been evaluated and our Construction Department determined that your service location falls outside of the company's standard installation guidelines. The non-standard installation cost would be $16487.17. Due to the rise in equipment costs, this price is valid for ninety (90) days from the above-mentioned rate. This cost does not include the standard installation charge to activate your service at a later date.

To initiate construction, please forward payment to the attention of Tiffany Stinson at Comcast, 5 Bellecor Drive, New Castle, DE 19720.

riiiiiight okay, i'll just go on and forward that $16K to tiffany. what else was i going to do with my life-savings, anyway? but i better hurry before the price goes up!!

jesus christ comcast, the least you could do is offer to comp me the standard installation charge.

it seems wireless is my one remaining hope...