buford was warm-up for having my own dog. but they too are finite, as dr dog informed us earlier this week when we took the j-dog in for a checkup. oh he's 8? sure it's normal for him to be slowing down, but this breed lives until 10 or 12.
10 or 12, like that's a good thing? is it useful, this melloncollie? perhaps not, but this loo seat that lets you calculate the weight of your poo surely is.
returned to the running racing circuit this weekend. legs are quite certain of this, my iliotibial bands and calves plangently so. i feel like i ran a marathon though it was only 10miles. the highlight of my warmup was being chased by a yappy and tantalisingly puntable yorkie, leash trailing behind it. i gave its owner a WTF look as i ran by; he just chuckled tolerantly. o funny dog, the things you do!
anyway, the point of the run, to moi anyway, was not to race but rather do a nice tempo effort with 370 of my closest friends. the cannon fired (yes we get started by a cannon because we are DELAWARE and what we lack in size we make up for in sheer noyz) and king dave, with whom i'd done a killer 4000yd workout in the pool the day before, pulled up to me and inquired about my target pace. tempo, i said, and you? sticking in the low 7s, said he, and then getting down to 6:45s at the half. serendipity! - i thought, for that was exactly what i wanted to do and now i had company, but by the time i wrapped up that compound thought king dave was out of sight and i didn't clap eyes on him again until the gatorade table at the finish.
the first mile went by and i was way off my intended pace; second mile passed the same; but it felt right so i didn't push. we climbed up to rockford park and i started to pass a stream of people petering on the hill. as we approached the halfway turn-around i was surprised to see there were only a dozen or so women ahead of me. oh whatever i'm running my own pace, right? i passed a couple more on the way down from rockford and then with 2 miles to go there were 4 women in striking distance.
do you see where this is going?
do you understand why i whimper when i walk down steps?
i let one woman pull me closer to the others. a quarter mile from the finish there's a 200m climb that goes straight up, and i thought that if i got close enough before the hill i could knock some of them off there because if i'm catching you at the end of a 10mile race you're probably not going to be able to counter on a hill.
i passed one, then two, three, and the fourth as we crested the hill and hit a headwind that almost blew me backwards. i was not a happy kid but i knew i'd be even less happy if the woman behind me had something left for the straightaway dash to the line so i pegged it for about 30sec and then did something only cowards do – looked back – but i'd enough of a gap to cruise in without popping a lung onto pennsylvania ave.
turns out i was 5th overall; 6-9th finished within 20 sec. so much for my tempo run.
it is good to be back.
socked in again by work, the only notable interruptions a flurry of IMs triggered by riley's invite to 'check out this tat i got last night' and Loucypher's Daily Lament. the subject of today's Lament was how the parents of his daughter's best friend seem to think chez loucypher is a daycare service where they can drop their child off and leave her for days, trusting she'll be fed and washed and groomed.
- they're losers - loucypher ruled - you know what they named this poor girl?
- placenta?
- worse. they spell her name 'L hypen A'. how would you pronounce that?
- um... LA?
- yeah that's what you'd think, right? but no, you're sposed to say "ladasha." ladasha! and they get upset because people don't know how to pronounce it! i guess it depends what dialect you're using.
- my name means "vagina" in farsi.
- oh go back to work.
it's been nearly three months since dr. ken cherry of UVA installed Pipes 2.0 via a patch of my left external iliac artery & an inguinal release. rode 60miles sunday, ran 10 hilly ones yesterday and flirted with low 6's pace his morning: nary a squeak of claudication. i can run sub-7 pace comfortably now when before surgery my left side from hip flexor to calf would shut down at 7:40 from lack of blood.
now i don't wanna jump to any Rash conclusions, but my studies would indicate that i was broke, cherry fixed me, and that his counterpart at christiana care who saw no stenoses or vascular irregularities in my arteriogram and concluded "maybe at the age of 40 your vessels don't dilate like they used to" was full of shit. but i could be wrong.
regardless, it is good to be moving again, and moving w/o having to mitigate constantly migrating pain. no objectives or focus for the upcoming season -- have yet to consult the Oracle -- but there's short-course du nats in april (eep), in may a national-caliber tri (my favorite race) and in june a half-ironman that's also a qualifier for Kona. maybe that's focus after all.
for now it's just base base base, with perhaps some lifting injected here & there if i can talk EZ into spotting me on squats over & over & over again. oh seemple simon and eez pieman...
don't think because it's a new year it's a new me. fat chance, esp when the idiocracy's still running full steam. today's scenario: i'm working in visio, via windoze XP running in virtual mode on the Lapple, when visio throws an alert telling me this particular operayshun requires a plug-in i'm missing and would i like to download it. sure, say i clickity-click, and am delivered to this page on the internets (click to embiggen):
it's an invitation to run a Validation Tool to "determine whether your Windows installation is genuine." how thoughtful! because that's exactly what i as a user on deadline wish to do right now. is there a git-around? can i obtain the visio plug-in without validating my OS?** do my socks match? no, no and no.
why do i love mac? cos it doesn't do this shit. fuck you microsoft.
oh and happy new year. i hope you didn't make any rash resolutions.
**validation code "fuck you" doesn't work, in case you were wondering.
happy new year and all that jazz. i hope 2009 brings peace & prosperity to you & yours blabbity blah blah enough about you, let's talk about ME.
let's talk about how for the past 5 days i've lived on jello and chicken broth (note no mention of WHISKEY) and you can still see the seams of my mum's sofa on my ass. this was the fallout from an unfortunate xmas eve gathering at the HoTH. here's a thought: if you have a virulently contagious upper GI infection (and you might know this since you and your wife are DOCTORS), maybe you shouldn't have 14 people over for dinner.
i did a lot of thinking during the hours i spent shitting gruel. i thought, how cool that even when it's holding back the yangtze river, your bunghole still works. (mostly) i considered how chicken broth exits in pretty much the same state it enters. and that begged the question, why can't you eat your own poo? poo comes from food, and there's nothing nasty introduced from the outside (like maggots, for instance, or nora roberts), so i am curious why a self-contained process that starts with something edible produces something that's not. and if you could, would it be safe to lick your own liver.
speaking of which, have a happy & safe new year's eve. see you in 2009.
yesterday Man-Who-Wears-Socks-On-Head and i shared a ride to a client meeting.
- ready for christmas? - i asked, in the way you'd make smalltalk with co-workers you don't know.
- oh, we don't celebrate christmas.
don't smirk. MWWSOH is white and doesn't wear a yarmulke. you'd have made the same mistake.
- whyyyyy not?
- i'm a jehovah's witness.
- oh my.
did you know that JW's believe in christ, but not that he died on a cross or was born on dec 24th? in fact, they don't believe in birthdays at all, which explains why they have to recruit grownups cos no kid would go for that shit.
anyway, merry christmas to you all. i hope this holiday brings you Jo-Joy Booties, christmas number twos, or your personal equivalent.
[from If Charlie Parker Was a Gunslinger,
There'd Be a Whole Lot of Dead Copycats, one of my new fave blogs cos it's all pitchurs and you don't have to do anything hard like read.]
i'm sitting at the kitchen table rolling rumballs in granulated sugar when D shuffles in.
- my toe hurts - he announces.
- what did you do to it? and can you bring me the rum please? it's right there.
- i didn't do anything.
the bottle of cruzan black strap materializes.
- and a glass?
he sighs and dodders to the cabinet and back.
- i have an ingrown toenail, i think.
- and pour? - i say, indicating the bottle with an elbow. he does, and waits.
- well what about my TOENAIL - he finally erupts. i look up.
- is it black?
he stares hard at me, then turns away disgusted.
- i don't know why i'm asking a runner - he upbraids himself, or me, or the dog, and sulks into another part of the house.
the second toenail on my left foot is blueing but that means i'm running trail again and that means life is pretty fuckin good.
an auspicious start to a 60hr workweek when my e-machine had a complete system-meltdown. but Parallels on the Lapple purred right along and after tossing my PC off the balcony i worked off the laptop. all this is to say i may not be the most objective person in the room, but i know somebody else.
here's trent razor* on Apple's MainStage, the software used to mix and meddle with the Lights in the Sky audio:
it's been a nice stable platform that gives me the options that i need, the ability to modify it however i want, and i haven't found the thing it can't do yet. i would never go back to something else at this point.contrast this with rob sheridan's fulminations on the "the SHITTY video software" they were stuck with at the start of the tour:
In This Twilight, Head Down, and the live cameras in Survivalism are currently running through a terrible machine called the Hypotizer, which is basically just primitive, unintuitive video software on three separate Windows machines (one for each screen). We were talked into using it by the company that provides the video hardware for the show, and it's been nothing but a nightmare to work with. It's slowed down our ability to enhance the show during the tour, and it always seems to be fucking up, but we've been stuck with it because it's the only playback device that can access all three screens right now...You'll probably hear about (or see video of) Survivalism looking like a fucking mess in Oakland tonight, and that was because (surprise) the hypotizer crashed. We're really looking forward to getting rid of that thing and revamping some video elements for the second leg of the tour.(via)
Dear World,
Sorry for all the shit we put you through for the last 8 years. We'll put some of that to rights soon. Thanks for your patience.
Dear Dubya,
It’s not you, it’s always someone else who needs to change
What about you, this narrow view has left you so estranged
Do you see, a real man rights his wrongs, then walks away
Not you – you’re not wrong – no way.**
Jackass.
Dear Obama,
Get busy child.
**Portal, "Your Kettle"
stopped by dunkin donuts this morning for a cuppajoe and to stare longingly at the maple-frosted donuts topped with candycorn. you think in china they put candy on top of donuts? in europe? fuck no. that's why america is awesome. plus we're the WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS, or so trumpeteth the early edition papers stacked by the counter.
- good morning! - says the one other customer, a slight elderly man wearing carhartts and construction boots. i am sure he belongs to the ford f150 outside. -How are YOU?
- fine - and then reluctantly - how are you.
- specTACular.
he grins at me and god help me his smile's almost contagious. i play along begrudgingly .
- why, are you a phils fan?
he throws his head back and laaaaaafs. the woman behind the counter looks at me pityingly as she hands me my coffee. apparently you don't get this dude wound up.
- oh NO. i don't have nothing to do with those pro athletes. turn the game into something it was never meant to be. all this media and advertisin' and payin' a man eight million dollars cos seven ain't enough. it's a travesty, young lady, a travesty.
i nod and smile and walk toward the door; he follows.
- world series – i hear the sarcasm drip as he rolls the phrase over his tongue – that don't make no sense. you know what a REAL world series is?
i do. and what i would give to have CarharttMan with the "support our troops" ribbon and W sticker on his truck to tell me about the World Cup, but life isn't that neat is it.
- you go up to williamsport and you watch the Little Leaguers play. now THAT is a world series. you watch those little tykes from all over the world and you see how a game SHOULD be played. before it gets all complicated with ads and money and egos.
the ford chirps; he opens the door and nods at me.
- you have yourself a good day now.
CarharttMan may have a point, but if you saw the faces of each individual phils player as he ran to pile atop brad lidge after the final strikeout you saw the little leaguers ruiz, howard and utley. boil it down, and it's still The Game.
[if you want to see an amazing play from last night, check out this clutch move where second-baseman utley in a split-second sees there's no play on first and -- off balance -- throws a perfect ball to ruiz, who tags out what would have been the rays' go-ahead run . even the camera guy is fooled.]
lately i've been haunting the local football messageboard, don'taskwhy, and it is harder than you might think. first of all, i cannot keep my big piehole shut even if i know SFA about highschool football; and second, because students frequent the board and you get booted if you talk about drugs or use bad language, i have to use the TourettesCheck to make sure no shitfucksuckcunts slip out and get me banned. it is a different world out there, people. take this recent exchange:
[CYO = Catholic Youth Something]
sportwatcherhof
Re: CYO Footballfinleynine
Does anyone else find it a little strange how most of the kids on the CYO teams are not even catholic?
Re: CYO Footballsportwatcherhof
i find it a little strange that you know this, sportwatcher. do you have some kind of catholic divining rod?
Re: CYO Football
finleynine.. No divining rod needed. I just know the kids and families that play with my son, and know who I see and don't see at church. It is a common fact that most teams have more non catholics than catholics. I am sure you know the people in your church.
To: all@MyCo.com
From: HeapusBigusBossus
Subject: More Actions
We ended Isabella’s contract today. Isabella helped us for approximately 5 months. She had some success, liked MyCo, and we liked her. Unfortunately, she did not help us enough to keep at this time.
To: loucypher
From: finn
Subject: Re: More Actions
who's -- oh nm.
-------------------------------
congrats go out to fastmammycat for running the dublin marathon today and taking 18min off her time last year. smashing.
- have a good walk? - D asked last night when the dog and i got in just before dark.
- yes. a couple people stopped and said what a good-looking dog.
- were they guys?
- erm... yeah.
he snorted.
- what?
- total pickup line.
- i don't think so. he IS a good-looking dog.
that, and clad in an XXL Hate '90 shirt and court shorts down to my knees, cradling my sore swollen belly, bruises pooling from wrist to elbow and greyly po-faced i'm hardly pickup line material. but men are from mars and finns are from Blue.
i found this evidence in the sink last night:
the cats needed food so yesternoon found me in the catfood aisle, which always makes me grumpy. why should i spend MY money on animals that, when they're not sleeping, are puking up half-digested small mammals, fighting in the middle of the night or shitting in the flowerbeds? where is the return on investment here?
standing in the catfood section inevitably brings up these sorts of existential questions and i was cranky as jean paul when a couple rolled up, she in Chanel sunglasses, he in a McNabb jersey. they were talking about how to stock up for her parents who'd be house-sitting this weekend.
- and we need catfood - she said as she breezed by fragrantly and stopped in front of the Fancy Feast. ha-fucking-ha. as if.
- i got catfood last week. it's in the basement. remember?
- oh no. that's not good enough for my mother.
my man grabs that pass...
- well, she ain't gotta eat it. does she.
...and runs it into the endzone.
To: all@MyCo.com
From: HeapusBigusBossus
Subject: New Hire
Sundesh Palekar starts Wednesday as another developer. Sundesh comes with good experience in [gak spithle gork]. She seems to be flexible and smart, and really liked our environment (“perfect”) as she put it. Let’s see if it ends up that way for both her and us – please help her as appropriate.
Please welcome Sundesh tomorrow. She will sit next to Chris Sampson to start this week.
To: loucypher
From: finn
Subject: Re: New Hire
who the fuck is Chris Sampson?
