Monday, October 23, 2006

enough with the Ribbons

the ribbons have gotten out of hand, people. one yellow "support our troops" ribbon affixed to your car's bumper makes an effective statement sure, but what's the point of adding another, and another? do you stutter?

and to those people who have a ribbon for every single disease state under the planet -- again, what's the point? are you truly advocating awareness of breast cancer, autism, ovarian cancer, diabetes, gay pride, child cancer, gang prevention, HIV/AIDS and polycystic ovarian syndrome? aren't you tired of being so aware? not to mention the fact that the more crap you stick on your car, the more you run the risk of being accused of discrimination. hey, you don't have a periwinkle ribbon. does that mean you're FOR eating disorders and pulmonary hypertension??

friday afternoon, when i was languishing in pre-weekend rush-hour traffic on the interstate, i saw this van:

i have to give some credit here, as this individual displays singular focus instead of whacking across the awareness board. from left to right, we've got:

  • 101st Airborne
  • Support Our Troops
  • Cancer Awareness
  • One Nation Under Bob
  • [something white w/patriotic ends]
  • Relay For Life
  • [something freedom-y]
  • Veteran
  • [something veteran-ly]
  • Support Our Troops
  • America the [something]
  • One Nation Under Bob
  • Support Our Troops
  • Another Nation Under Bob
  • In Bob We Trust
  • Der 10 Commandments (those tablet-y things)
  • POW*MIA (x2 and now wrapping around the side)
so we're probably a god-fearin' vet, maybe of 101st Airborn, and perhaps we lost a comrade or two in combat. someone in our fambly ran the Relay for Life after a relative was diagnosed with cancer because that was the will of Bob. we voted for bush, twice, and we have no regrets. we like people who look like us and we don't give a shit about ending a sentence in a preposition. in fact, what the fuck's a preposition?

horrible stereotyping to be sure, but it's such fun.

Eid mubarak.


addon said...

yeah finn, it is beginning to piss me off too.

today our newspaper was printed on pink paper, breast cancer awareness I think, that is OK it is a good cause, I logged on to my bank to ogle how little money I have and - POW! - the whole bloody Web site has been changed to pink. For god's sake.

a bt like these charities that phone you up, going on about the poor doggies that need looking after, little kittens being rescued and such. got to say they sound convincing, not like all these Indian call centres we are getting, even qantas is sacking a bunch of australians so that they can ship their call centre operations off-shore, one way to baffle these poor indians is to slip into the aussie vernacular. my wife just barks "whatdya want?" at them and they hang up.

oops strayed from the point. sorry. will shut up now. ha ha this does not have spell check, i typed "shit up". i also notice that i often seem to get scots words when my typing is awry, which is pretty much all the time. things like weel, instead of well, that is scots! mak instead of make. lots more. would you like me to compile a list? could be useful, post it in your office and pretend it means something.

i used to sneak around at stoopid training sessions when they've got facilitators "workshopping" everything, whiteboard crap, and mess up the stuff on the whiteboards, put in mysterious meaningless arrows, dollar signs, exclamation marks etc - a fertile field for the creative imagination, recommend you try it sometime.


fatmammycat said...

Youth from the deepest south gets into Yale to study law. He's on a scholarship so he's kinda poor and his clothes are slightly hicky. First day on campus he gets a bit lost, so he stops and asks a group of preppy looking chaps for help.
'Say, can y'all tell me where the library's at?'
The group fall about the place laughing -probably in the manner of French gay- 'snorf snorf snorf!'
'What's so funny?'
'At Yale we don't finish our sentences with a preposition.' The blond impossibly good looking leader says, snootily.
Old Southy nodds affably and thinks about it for a second, 'Okay, where's the library at, asshole?'

Naturally this has bog all to do with ribbons, but I hate fucking ribbons almost as much as I despise poetry so I ain't talking about them.

finn said...

and here i was hoping that the explosion of Ribbons and Causes was just another example of american excess, but apparently it's a human condition. there should be a Ribbon for Excessive Ribbon Awareness.

adam, re: whiteboard hijinx -- i must confess to squeezing in an extra zero (or three) on the conference room whiteboards showing the budget breakdowns for proposed projects. fuck it, we deserve to be paid ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

FMC, are Ribbons worse than jazz?
[snorf snorf.]

fatmammycat said...

Nothing is worse than Jazz. 'Cept maybe acute toothache.

finn said...

acute toothache to me = elvis costello's screechy whiney voice. i dont care if he's really named declan. he makes me crazy and not in a good way. i'd take jazz anyday over that.

Theo said...

re: Elvis Costello... I can't totally agree. I can't stand his Burt Bacharach stuff, and in fact nearly everything he's recorded (wordy as he is)... but he's done "Alison" and "Monkey To Man" too.

Subhangi said...

Egads, ribbons. I only wear Red Ribbon for AIDS Awareness to remind myself that it's the only reason I haven't got laid yet.

Adam - Call centres are what you in Australia would compare to cane toads. They were set up for a decent purpose, but now they're all over the place. And I HATE those accents!!! "Hay-luw..." EWWWWWWW! I can do a better Aussie accent (thank you Steve Irwin) and it really gets my goose when these guys swagger around with those ridiculous accents and the standard-issue white shirt/ red tie/ laptops/ cellphones/ pendrives. UGH.

addon said...


part of what i dislike about these call centres is that it must be such a disheartening job to do and to try to do it in another accent if not another language and without knowing the country from living in it must be SO hard, i feel sorry for the people who take the job ... is that all mixed up? conflicted, that's the word!!


Subhangi said...


Conflicted, yes ... [sigh] but its an awful lot of money too. That's the main reason people take these jobs.

finn said...

i would do a lot of things for money, but defusing irate people on the phone is not one of them. however mixed up & conflicted those reps are, they have the patience of saints.

what i would do for money is... come to work regularly. prettymuch.

hey teho, are you implying Alison is good?