Thursday, February 28, 2008

reason Number Two why i hate my cats

still buried like the wicked witch except that it's work not a house atop me and my shoes aren't nearly as cute. D off leading a XC ski trip somewhere where there is snow -- not here sob -- and whilst packing last night made a disturbing discovery.

- i went down to the basement to get my skis and while i was there one of the cats walked past the litter box, right by me, and then squatted in the corner of the boiler room and started to take a crap.
- right on the bare floor?!?
- on the bare floor. it wasn't the first time either. i've been finding the odd cat turd here and there, but i thought it was because the litter boxes weren't clean enough and the cats were pushing the old poops out. but it's not.
- fucking cats. oh i hate them. so what did you do?
- i picked her up mid-poop and threw her outside. she keeps doing this she's going to be LIVING outside. or in heaven.

i lobby for the latter, but if it's heaven she's going to i'll take the low road.

many thanks to E for reminding me that natalie dee loves cats too.

Monday, February 25, 2008

away from her

- you know this weekend would have been grandmother and pete's 66th wedding anniversary - my mom told me.

and 8 years ago we put down finley. the nice thing about grandmother though is that her tenuous grasp on reality doesn't include pedestrian constructs like days, months, years or the finer details of losing someone. the gross loss is still there, but an anniversary isn't.

- i took her to the dining room upstairs and she asked me if there was anything i wanted her to do. she asked the aide who brought her lunch the same thing. while i cut up her sandwich we looked out the window and she watched the wind in the big oak tree. i talked about the shapes of the clouds -- she usually likes that -- and she was sort of interested but she was in a different place, just a really bewildered place. her ice cream came and she didn't know which end of the spoon to use. when i took over she thanked me and said i was beautiful, that i looked like a good soul. and was there anything else i wanted her to do.

my mum isn't a crier, and here's her voice wavering delicately.

- i lost her. she's another person, finn. she's nice, but she's not my mother.

when i followed up a morning 4000yd swim practise with a run-bike-run-bike-run-bike-run brick in the afternoon D shook his head but didn't ask why.

Friday, February 22, 2008

reason #0500 why i love mac

last night on my way home from getting spindled, mashed and rebooted by denise the 90lb massage therapist i wondered whether the toxic bloom that'd closed the Y's pool that morning had been redressed and whether i should attempt to swim this morning, or sleep in. i want to call, but i don't know the number.

1. i typed my Y's name into iphone's googleMaps, which by default searches around my current location.
2. gMaps delivered a local map with a red pin nailing my Y.
3. a touch of the "more" arrow alongside the pin showed my Y's info. if apple & gMaps were really on, they'd display the infestation level of my pool with a Tufte-worthy infographic, but i'll settle for a phone number i can call with a touch.
4. aaron answered, told me the pool's fine, and i was returned to the Y info, which incidentally enables me to bookmark the Y's URL, add the # to my Contacts, and get directions to/from there.**

all stuff that's useful, works the way i think and answered my question in <30sec.
that's one, or three, reasons.

here are more: 50 Reasons to Switch from Microsoft Windows to Apple’s Mac OS X.

of course, as SRess has made me aware, the Mac/PC argument is so very Stuff That White People Like, as are marathons, expensive sandwiches, asian girls and barak obama.

have a white weekend.

**5. then i slept in.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

as desperation increases so does the amount of desk crap

as i prepare my performing monkey routine for a 2pm pitch with a financial giant, i gather courage and strength from the fact that i have successfully unclogged the 4th floor toilet.**

this one's for the Major, in honor of his first book, The Order of the Phoenix Park. i sure hope fame doesn't change him.


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

nina is wise

called nina during lunch yesterday. didn't know where else to go.

- neens i got the dog - i said when she picked up.
- el per-roh neg-roh - she confirmed in an atrocious baltimore accent, then fell back on her raspy croon - it's february, finn. the dog always comes in february.
she's right of course. i'd forgotten.
- but it's bad this time. i spent the whole weekend in bed. even if i wanted to, i'm too tired to train. i haven't written in two weeks. and yesterday i came home from work and went straight to bed. it sucks, it really sucks.
- i know, hon.
she's kind and doesn't call me on complaining about a weekend taken away when she's lost years.
- and last night i had this dream. you know the dreams about flying and sex, right? well in this dream i was all bundled up with M - M is my soulmate who's utterly unaware of this fact and therefore crushingly uncooperative - and we were flying in the sky together and everything was great until until he shit in my mouth. like, IN my mouth. what the fuck. how do you read THAT. is that my future? my dreams? whatthefuckever. i just want to go home and curl up with jack.
- it's tuesday. you should go to the track.
- you can't be serious. i haven't been to the track in months. i haven't been doing any speedwork. i'm out of shape and TIRED, nina.
- so go slow. you always say you feel better after track, right? so - in the background i heard a loud crash - finn, i gotta go. chloe's trapped under a kitchen chair.
- oh. i hope she's okay.
nina snorted derisively and hung up.

so i went to the track, and she was right.

Friday, February 01, 2008

you suck at charisma

i am the tragic heroine in my own Jane Eyre - Office Space mashup right now so parDONaMAY if i come off churlish and grumpy. but this article - 8 Keys to Instant Charisma - just popped up in my Google Reader and as i am nothing if not charismatic, vivacious and specfuckingtackular, it needs a response.

for victims of ADD, PMS or CNN, i'll summarise. the 8 keys are as follows:

  1. Mirroring
  2. Remembering Names
  3. Be Interested
  4. Allowing Others to Talk
  5. Intention
  6. Offer Help
  7. Smile
  8. Authenticity
ghastly inconsistency in parallel structure aside, i have to say this list is utter shite. maybe for gutless pussies who've never been laid this is a good list. if you suckjd at photoshop, those 8 keys are all you. but for REAL people, if you want to validate yourself and be liked in MY shitty little world @MyCo here are 8 keys for you:
  1. don't puke on the sidewalk outside the building and expect the office manager to clean it up before a client visits.
  2. don't strew your nasty marlboro light butts around the entranceway and expect the same.
  3. don't leave pubes on the seat of the crapper; don't piss on the floor; don't shit on the underside of the toilet seat; don't leave floaters. fuck sake, don't you notice these things as you're washing your hands??
  4. wash your hands.
  5. don't assume that a lack of planning on your part constitutes an emergency on mine.
  6. does it look like i want to chitchat next to the fridge? i don't. move aside and let the man go through.
  7. don't be a cunt.
  8. know when it's Opposite Day. on Opposite Day nos 1-7 are sources of infinite amusement and joy. on Opposite Day one merry little bobber will entertain me and loucypher all afternoon. i felt like it was Opposite Day during the GOP debate on wed night when, in a response to janet hook, mitt romney spooled off a litany of objectionable things about john mccain. but it wasn't Opposite Day; romney's just a tard.
HTH. pls direct all questions here.