Tuesday, February 28, 2006

happy fasnacht day

i should be gorging on donuts to my heart's content -- for the lean days will follow, ya catholic nutters! -- but alas. instead, Shrove Tues finds me scrounging through the Litter Box, my efforts netting a moldy pear and a very crushed bag of sour cream & onion chips.

signs, in the front yard:

sign of springsign of the dog

my company's navel-gazing branding efforts continue. one of our creative strategists just emerged from another interminable session to announce that he'd prefer an enema to another branding meeting. at least then what'd come out would have some substance to it, he reasoned.

whatever Sick took me on last week is gradually releasing its nefarious hold. mayhap i can give Queen T a run for her money tonight. but probably not. /

Monday, February 27, 2006

the Agenda

remind me to NEVER move to south dakota.

Friday, February 24, 2006

2-day respite

clicki've not swum, ridden or run in 2 days. this respite, albeit brief, reminds me how much more time i have in the day when i go off training -- time that i've put to questionable use this week by working 10- and 11-hour days. my plate's loaded with 4 considerable projects, all in the conceptual strategy stage, and certain anklebiters still hang on faithfully.

and we had our first GOTR race committe meeting last night. i'm now the marketing director.

once again, i wonder how people like wiser train for the ironman (to compete, not just complete) without their jobs, relationships, other interests and general sanity combusting. not for me.

this weekend is for FINALLY watching 40-Year Old Virgin and catching up on all the olympics i've been taping. i guess some chick won the skating last night, but whenever i hear anybody getting all trumpety about it i close my eyes and hum really loudly because i want no spoilers.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

perils of bartending, and hot olympians

another reason not to IM: Americans work more, seem to accomplish less
but it's worth it for treasures like this, from former coworker now moved to chicago:

[DE]: u a working girl yet?
[IL]: i have had some interviews. some fo them really scary
[IL]: i got a bartending job and i quit that same day b/c they wanted me to wear a teeny tiny ho top with the word hog on it.
[DE]: scary... how?
[IL]: one of my customers chewes the tab and swallowed it and said he wsan't paying
[IL]: and then another one asked me if i was wearing thongs and wanted to have phone sex
[DE]: nice

when did chicago turn into, like, Bartertown?

fulfilling as far as it goes (which isn't far enough IMO):
Hot Athletes (as cited in the NYT, which makes it legit yo)

/back to gregorian chantland

OGL: a suggestion

w0rd to bush: just start drinking again. please.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Cult of the Mac

cheney: poaching AND drunk. the story just keeps getting better...

another reason to love apple:
Jobs' & co.'s
Keynote Bloopers, with aplomb.

to our Friends Around the World

i do not get Our Glorious Leader. illegal wiretaps of american citizens are okay, because our national security is at stake. at the same time, though, it's perfectly acceptable to allow the united arab emirates to take control of six major US ports. the mere fact that two of those ports are NY and NOLA you'd think would be enough to set good 'ole patriotic boyz ahowling. but no.

OGL explained why he'll veto any congressional attempt to block the deal: "it sends a terrible signal to friends around the world that it's OK for a company from one country to manage the port, but not a country that plays by the rules and has got a good track record from another part of the world."

even if this sentence made conceptual sense, which it DOESN'T, the "friends around the world" phrase is patronising; and any reference to countries that play by the rules for good track records, coming out of bush's mouth, is ridiculous. why must religious zealots be such hypocrites??

but here, rest easy on this assurance: "if there was any chance that this transaction would jeopardize the security of the United States, it would not go forward." that's a wrap. now back to spying on the citizenry.

an apertif:

NIN and saul williams @ Voodoo Fest (NOLA 11/05)

am kinda likin' saul williams...
plus, it's funny seeing trent be all black & shit
(now tell me where my niggahs at)...

finally, pix of this past weekend's XC nats in van cortlandt park:
i'd diddled with the idea of going, but after checking results i'm glad i didn't. carrie tollefson ran 5-min miles to win, and even mid-packers were 5:45. yoikes. last night i struggled just to hold 6-min pace, and that was on a track. no worries, said fisch, it takes 4-6 weeks to re-acclimate to speedwork. looking forward to 3 more weeks of workouts with no rhythm, sticking to Queen T's heels. still, even a crappy tues night track workout leaves me kinder and gentler.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Gratuitous Ian II

cos it makes me happy, k? sod off.

a case of the mondays, on tues

in the past couple weeks the medical community has published findings which contradict some long-standing assumptions. announced:

that's just great. i want a donut, dammit.

my fly still sucks. breaststroke flares my ITB. two false starts off the blocks today, and i'm still 7 lbs overweight. the bright news: no new mouse turds on my desk.

man, i could go for a good pillowfight.

Monday, February 20, 2006

less than an outline, even

after spending an entire day with forty-some twenty-somethings and a roomful of toddlers, one drops into prufrock,

...though certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels

so easy, then, to drop and retreat to when the slope was snowy and sidewalks treacherous and we hunkered inside, awake.

Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions

and fulfilling a rash promise that re-orients and complicates, more proof i'm not configured for those conventions. oh fuck, that's not what i meant, at all.

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

typical february ride

60 hilly miles, w/froward winds. i remember a tailwind ONCE. only 6 ppl showed, 3 of whom were willing to pull. can you see where this is going? "you've had your 30-second rest," said some guy whose name i still don't know, after i'd just pulled off. "we don't care about your pain. get back up there." and i did, but it hurt.

crept back home with my tail between my legs.

running errands in the afternoon, i kept seeing riders dressed in blue & green up ahead, but when i got closer there was nothing there.


but i'd take this over a 1-year old's birthday party in flushing NY any old day.

Friday, February 17, 2006

reasons why i suck

1. fall asleep by 9pm
1a. [by extension] missed wier's and pluschenko's long programs last night

2. have no idea what to buy a 1-year-old
2a. am up shit's creek with a turd for a paddle fer sunday's bd party

3. am gangly & uncoordinated
3a. my butterfly has fallen and can't get up

my fly timing of a sudden is whacked and off camber. the possibility of rustling up a competitive IM by march 26th is very grim. back to the phelps vids.

OTOH it is friday.

skidmark the size & SHAPE of india in the 4W bathroom. my penance for working with a bunch of guys.

Thursday, February 16, 2006


Do you remember chalk marks melting on a playground wall
Do you remember dawn escapes from moon-washed college halls**

do you remember life among the iguanas?
**marillion; kayleigh

i could set the building on fire...

clickI used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

do you know how to bury your dead? (is the bush administration finally waking up?)

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

carpe diem

fuck it, i'm going to spain. if i have to pay a singles supplement, so be it. life is just too short to waste an opportunity.

besides, maybe C & L & i can find some nude beaches. :)

have laid off breaststroke for a while cos my knee is crankly, and it'd be stupid to pooch my entire season for the sake of a crappy kick that, when done properly, only stops you dead in the water, as opposed to my (highly illegal) version that actually provides *propulsion.*

the silver lining in this is that freestyle now seems silky smooooooth.

i love swimming.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Gratuitous Ian

just because.

flagging response to penis surgery

here's a real shocker: "the majority of men who have penis enlargements end up dissatisfied with the results." apparently all that spam i get fosters "unrealistic expectations" about penis operations. unrealistic? really??

does this mean that Bill Klinton did not become "more bright and more attractive" by using Voagra? whom to believe??

in happier news, i swam my best 100yd EVAR today: 1:16. musta been the Bucket O'Carbs i ate last night. that, and starting off the blocks for the 1st time.

already suffering Olympics-related sleep deprivation. it's just like the Tour, only i get a break every other year.

Monday, February 13, 2006

in the news

the snow that hammered the northeast hammered the dog as well. while i shovelled, the dog was reduced to making mole tunnels in the snow while icy balls collected on his legs and belly. when he walked he wobbled like a kid with a full diaper. i nearly peed myself laughing so hard.

speaking of pee, i had beets last night. and my ass is sore from XC skiing. that is all you need to know.

26 days --> beside u in time.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

3hr death march.

gin martini (bombay sapphire, natch)
scallops & prawns appetiser (w/sake)
12oz fillet mignon (thank god i didn't go for the 18oz)
sm. pot of broccoli rabe
1/2 bottle of chianti
marscarpone cheesecake
shitty ride the next morning fer shure. esp when everyone thinks you're so all-american strong and browbeats you into LongPulls and you do it cos you're dumb.

how do/did ppl on atkins have any energy at all??

still woozy from glycogen debt...

Friday, February 10, 2006

Former President Bill Klinton uses Voagra!

Everybody knows the great sexual scandal known as "Klinton-Levinsky".
After the relations like this Klintons popularity raised a lot!
It is a natural phenomenon, because Bill as a real man in order not toshame himself when he was with Monica regularly used Voagra.
What happened you see. His political figure became more bright and more attractive. It is very important for a man to be respected as a man!

See our Voagra shop to enter upon the new phase of your life.

i [heart] spam.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

grammys suck. mothers don't.

i boycotted the grammys last night (read: was asleep).
instead i bought a ticket to the 4/1 NIN vegas show. fuck the grammys. up trent.

question: should i call my grandmother, even if it means i answer the same question five times and she forgets we had a conversation as soon as she hangs up the phone? how will i deal if/when this happens with my mother?

When someone asks you where you came from, the answer is your mother.... When your mother's gone, you've lost your past. It's so much more than love. Even when there's no love, it's so much more than anything else in your life. I did love my mother, but I didn't know how much until she was gone.

-- anna quindlen, One True Thing (261)

i'm very tired.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

cats, according to google

google knows way too much about me. gmail. google local. google deskbar and google maps. google me and google you. google 'til my face is blue. and soon google talk may coax me into IM, at which point i'll become a totally unproductive human being.

i do, however, question the gmail algorithm that generates the sponsored links in the right-gutter. wiser asked me if i was racing columbia; google provided me w/Hooters coupons. E addressed many things: hangovers, dogs & cats, breadmakers and warm weather; google provided a ton of cat-related links, including

  • Cat declawing
  • Sticky paws (a declawing alternative)
  • Pet urine remover recipe
  • Cat urine removal secrets
  • Cat urine behavior
  • Why friendly cats attack
i gather from this that cats
  • have dangerous claws that should be removed
  • release copious amounts of urine, which "behaves" in some fashion
  • attack, even if deemed "friendly"
  • may be stinky
this is pretty much in keeping with my personal experience, though google glossed over the hairballs, puking and 3am caterwauling episodes.

thank you google.

Monday, February 06, 2006

orlando aftermath

messy. v messy.

d crashed after getting back from the airport. i went for detox run, which did not work. skipped the superbowl party cos the very idea of alcohol made me feel like hurling.

watched the first half eating a big salad & drinking milk, then fell asleep after the stones left the stage. so much for being american.

Dueling Dragons was awesome, though; and Spiderman was pretty good too. falling sensations are pretty trippy.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

on being USAT all-american

2005 USAT rankings are up. AA in both tri and du, baby.
stoked. and deserving of many beers (IMHO).

jesus is bigger than the beatles. but ipod beats him handily.
(so does "the" if you really want to get down to it.)


Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Bob Burnett: My President is an Alien

of course. it all makes sense now.

on being american. or not.

confession: i didn't watch the State of the Union address. i know from tough experience that exposure to any speech of bush's gets me so exercised that i cannot calm down for hours. so i opted for sleep. i'll get the gist of it from the Daily Show tonight.

speaking of which, god bless jon stewart for his spot-on comparison of
the deceptions wrought by the bush administration vs. those wrought by james frey. watching oprah's eyes well up with tears as she took frey to task for "fabrication" got me almost as exercised as the state of the union. i mean, who the fuck cares whether lilly committed suicide by hanging herself or cutting her wrists?? does it make that much of a difference? if you're reading such a sensationalist, manipulative "memoir" what do you care about truth vs. fabrication?? for fuck's sake, go read something real, like Invisible Man or One True Thing. or The Lorax.

this is reald and i are going to orlando this weekend. if it sounds bizarro, it is. orlando sits rock-bottom of my Places I'd Like to Visit list, just above tikrit and fallujah. but my company decided to have its xmas party (always in feb, natch) in universal studios this year, so they're flying us down there and putting us up fri and sat. it's gotta be a huge tax write-off or something cos we can't even afford to buy desks for people.

but it'll be an adventure, and for a couple days i will feel like a real amurican. the kind that tunes into American Idol, eats crappy processed food and gets weepy cos some dude named frey lied about some stuff in some books he wrote. WTFever.