Tuesday, December 19, 2006

what'd you say your name was?

F pulled me, the mayor and loucypher together yesterday to tell us he's got doubts about meeting a jan 15th deadline. the problem is, he announced, that most of you people are out next week. i heard the emphasis; so did the mayor.

-- what do you mean, us people? - he asked.

-- oh you know. you christians.
the mayor's about as religious as me, which is to say not at all, and he was looking nonplussed.

-- us christians? and you're what, again?

-- muslim.

-- muslim?

-- no, not MUZ-lim. there's no Z.

-- muslim?

-- not MOOSlim. MUSS-lim!!

-- oh. but you don't have an equivalent of christmas?

-- well, we've got Eid, which is at the end of Ramadan.
at this point as godless as i am, i'm feeling very superior because i know all about Ramadan; and it's a rare day when i'm more cultured than the mayor. F continued.

-- and there's a holiday that sort of coincides with christmas. you usually give stuff to kids, like a buck or two.

-- a buck or two?!? no wonder you people are at war with each other! a buck. you know, you could make it a whole lot easier on yourselves if you just gave up and assimilated.

-- like we did when J made us give up our macs! -- i piped up cos i can never resist a cliched argument. everyone ignored me.

-- in high school, my coaches used to call me Foo, cos they couldn't pronounce my arabic name.

-- yeah, you gotta dumb it down for us - loucypher explained. take J. there's no way we can pronounce his name in chinese, so he simplified it for us. jay. simple. and edgar -- you think that's his name in filipino? fuck no. in filipino, edgar's name is... he looked around wildly and grabbed a long network cable the diameter of my thumb, and flung it to the floor where it landed with a smack and shirr of unwinding coils. THAT is edgar's name in filipino and there's no fucking way we can pronounce it, so he's edgar to us.

-- dude, doesn't your name mean "i pimp for satan" in polish? - i wondered out loud.

-- absolutely, but you can call me lou.

in gaelic, my name means "there are no Wiis for you, hortense."

11 comments:

Subhangi said...

Har har.

And what, by the way, IS your real name?

(You can mail me. Of course.)

fatmammycat said...

'I pimp for Satan.' Oh snarf and quite rightly double snarf.

finn said...

cat -- he does. n he just sent me an email subjected I'll fucking kill you!!!

subh -- according to the Goddamn Rock Solid Ghetto Shiznit Name Generator, you may address me as (Ms.) Fallopian Whack.

Theo said...

I'm "Tempestuous Juice?" WTF?

Anonymous said...

Wankmaster Teapot, Yo

How come I ended up being a wankmaster? I'll go back and try again later...
-Kathleen

Anonymous said...

Actually, find find teapot somewhat objectionable also...
-Kathleen

finn said...

wait -- so kath & teho together make a Tempest in a Teapot?? how perfect is that?

note to self: must play lotto tonite...

addon said...

Baam Teapot.

what's with that for gods sake?

adam

Anonymous said...

SO on the way home from shiatsu tonight, I was practicing my new moniker in the car, if you say it with a gangsta accent, it ain't half bad...
-Kathleen

Subhangi said...

According to the Ghetto Shiznit Name Generator, my name is ....

HOBAG SHIZZLEMAH?!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, hobag is way worse than wankmaster. I typed in the name of a business acquaintance that my brother dislikes rather intensely, his name came up as
Fellatio Shizzlemah...
Got some chuckles in my office with that one...
I took the election quiz, and they claim I am John Kerry...
-Kathleen