big brother, 2007

apparently we’re considering installing cameras in the office. currently there’s a camera surveying and recording parking lot activity, and, unbeknownst to me, quasar set up another on my desk. this morning he was all cackly-triumphant because he caught the janitor looking through some boxes. he pulled me, loucypher and carv over to witness the felony.

- look! look! i caught him on tape! he’s going through my stuff! – quasar was elated; i was horrified.

- you’re spying on the janitor??

- he’s going through my stuff! he’s supposed to be cleaning, not rifling through boxes.

- you put cameras in our office?

- well, just one for now. it’s J’s idea. he thought it’d be nice to know when people are at their desks, in case you need to talk to someone.

- first of all, J is from CHINA. he eats dog, would drown girl babies and has never met a civil liberty he liked. second, if you need to talk to someone, what about IM?

- not everyone’s always on IM – quasar cut his eyes at me. don’t put ME on the defensive.

- how ‘bout the fucking phone?

- that’s not the point, really. the point is that we’re all spread out now, and the people on the first floor are totally disconnected from the third and fourth. we thought it’d be nice if people in remote places -

- like the first floor

- well, yeah and if we open other offices in philly or new york then people there can feel like they’re still part of the company, you know, cos they’ll be able to see us here. take jimba. his project team gathered on the first floor, and he had to move down there away from us. he’s out of sight, out of earshot.

- so this is about how you miss jimba? – carv broke in. quasar ducked his head bashfully. – then send him a whitman’s sampler for fuck’s sake. this is the stupidest idea i’ve ever heard. a surveillance camera is not gonna make people feel warm & fuzzy. it’s gonna creep them out. i’m creeped out just talking about it.

i finally have a handle on what's been bothering me.
- dude, do you know how many times i’ve gotten naked at my desk?!

i’ve got everyone’s attention now. loucypher’s eyes glitter. he IS part goat; i just know it.
- you get naked? -quasar asks.

- yeah, like if i have to change into client clothes, or when it’s really hot in here in the summer, and there’s no one else around, so what does it matter?

- like naked naked? – quasar wants the exquisite details.

- oh like you’ve never rubbed one out when you’re here all alone at 11 at night. – i’ve overestimated him, however. a corn-fed midwestern boy, he doesn’t even know what i mean, and i rabbit on. – the fact is that even though this is a public place, taking away our personal privacy is wrong and, in this case, without merit. if the janitor – or anybody – were stealing stuff, that’d be one thing, but he’s not. you’re just spying on him, and us, you creepy little man.

- i don’t like it either – carv backed me up.

- me neither – added loucypher - unless we're talking about the Finn Crotch Cam.

we’ll see where this goes. we were talking grass once, too, and now we’ve nice wood floors downstairs…