Wednesday, February 21, 2007


though i’ve yet to lose the 6 pounds i acquired during my month of excess in december, happily my ass no longer pulls me to the water’s surface during fly kick drillz. i like to think i’m trading flab for muscle. i also like to think that someday i will write a ground-shattering novel like House of Leaves, set a world record in a sporting event and grow up to be a red station wagon, so you can see i’m prone to wallowing in self-delu… er, “extreme rationalisation.”

toned ass or no, i felt like crap in the water AGAIN this morning. my coach quit because she wanted to sleep in 2 mornings a week, the selfish bitch, and god knows i need external motivation and scolding to inspire me at 5am.

but that’s not the point either.

the point is that while i was taking a shower after my shitty workout of broken 400s, into the shower room sashayed a woman with the most amazing ass i’ve ever seen. JLo and beyonce move aside, cos you the katest moss compared to this chick. words can’t describe – at least in the time i’ve got before a client meeting at 2 – so i present you this artist’s rendering:

this woman was not large, yet you could fit 4 of my asses in hers, and then you could have a nice spot of tea on the shelf it offers. i mean, shit like that is an example of the wonders of nature. what, exactly, comprises that bulk? it is muscle? is there a supporting skeletal structure? because you put an ass like that on a white woman and it dissolves into cellulite and lumpiness and drops straight down and you have your tea elsewhere. how does this happen? can string theory reconcile this, too?


Theo said...

"So turn around, stick it out
"Even Henrietta gotta shout:
"Baby got Venn Diagram!"

Uhm yeah.

fatmammycat said...

Yes, but can she make it 'clap' do you think? Urgh, I'm so fucking lame I'm depressing myself. If I had a long range sniper rifle now I could cheer myself up by shooting my mother, but failing that...night.

addon said...

steatopygous, even.

good for sprinting but not for the long haul, finn, so do not envy.