callipygian

though i’ve yet to lose the 6 pounds i acquired during my month of excess in december, happily my ass no longer pulls me to the water’s surface during fly kick drillz. i like to think i’m trading flab for muscle. i also like to think that someday i will write a ground-shattering novel like House of Leaves, set a world record in a sporting event and grow up to be a red station wagon, so you can see i’m prone to wallowing in self-delu… er, “extreme rationalisation.”

toned ass or no, i felt like crap in the water AGAIN this morning. my coach quit because she wanted to sleep in 2 mornings a week, the selfish bitch, and god knows i need external motivation and scolding to inspire me at 5am.

but that’s not the point either.

the point is that while i was taking a shower after my shitty workout of broken 400s, into the shower room sashayed a woman with the most amazing ass i’ve ever seen. JLo and beyonce move aside, cos you the katest moss compared to this chick. words can’t describe – at least in the time i’ve got before a client meeting at 2 – so i present you this artist’s rendering:


this woman was not large, yet you could fit 4 of my asses in hers, and then you could have a nice spot of tea on the shelf it offers. i mean, shit like that is an example of the wonders of nature. what, exactly, comprises that bulk? it is muscle? is there a supporting skeletal structure? because you put an ass like that on a white woman and it dissolves into cellulite and lumpiness and drops straight down and you have your tea elsewhere. how does this happen? can string theory reconcile this, too?