Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I came in here for that special offer

a sunday trip to zingo's always ends in front of the ice cream, and this week as i stood contemplating the haagen dazs two high-school boys were restocking the turkey hill.
- yeah, so breeyonda is back here. (my total stab at spellink.)
- who?
- breeYONda.
- who the fuck is breeYONda?
- you know. the black girl who got pregnant.
- oh her. yeah i heard she dropped out of UD. she's back?
- yeah and she'll probably be doing this for the rest of her life. a whole rest, then:
- dude, that's fucking harsh.
- mmmm hmmm.
fuck it i can't decide so i take all 6 pints and muscle my cart to the cashiers. a young black woman is working the first register and i wonder whether that's breeYONda. she's express though, so i move on and catch the eye of the chick on register 2. i'm pretty sure she's the one who, Way Back in the Day when D used to shop for groceries, inquired whether he preferred paper or plastic, MA'AM. though she may have precipitated his rebellion against grocery shopping henceforth, i cannot hold that against her because MA'AM was so effin' brilliant.
- hey, how're YOU?!? she asks brightly, deftly sweeping an octogenarian's Gerbers across the scanning plate. who's eating the vanilla custard, i wonder.
- yeah, good. um, how're you? - and i have no excuse but to slot into her line.
- good, good. haven't seen you in a while. you been okay? the old lady cuts a glance my way. yeah, i'm in tight with the zingo's girls, bitch. you stick with me and we'll get your large yellow onions rung up as smalls.
- yeah fine. how was your summer?
- it went by so fast! i'm back in school now. i want to ask where she's going but i'm aware of possible-breeYONda at my back. might be a touchy subject.
- your man still hunting? - she asks. OMG does this girl know everything?
- yeah. you remember that?
- i remember ringing up his whole cart and there was no meat. and i asked, 'are you a vegetarian?' and he said 'why?' and i said 'because you didn't buy any meat' and he answered... i know this story and finish it for her.
- and he said, 'because i'm a hunter.'
- yes! -and it kind of freaked me out a little, because my uncle died hunting bear in alaska. Gerber Lady suddenly ages 100 light-years; now she is eleventy-billion years old. i've got new respect for my cashier; i'd written off her response as knee-jerk Bambi-ism.
- no way. i'm so sorry.
- oh, it's okay. he was kind of a dick anyway - she giggles, then looks guiltily at Gerber Lady - i mean, he made my aunt's life real difficult. he drank too much and he loved guns. she clears out Gerber Lady and then commences ringing me up.
- is this fennel?
- yep.
- glad to see you're still buying weird food.
- the more things change, the more they stay the same. she nods.

5 comments:

fatmammycat said...

Yikes. She's wasted there, she should be a poker player or a detective.

finn said...

john just shook brown sauce onto his fry-up in bernies.

fatmammycat said...

Yours is wingin' its way to you right now. I even packed a curly wurly for the hell of it.
mmmcurly wurlies.

finn said...

makes me think of CT.

your fault entirely.

and i don't believe you're penitent at all.

fatmammycat said...

I want you to remember that when you're licking it and it goes all stringy.