Monday, December 10, 2007

a way out is a way in

flew back into philly int'l friday night, stepping into an empty shuttle bus that'd take us to long-term parking. when the bus made its second pickup the mass of people at Terminal B almost filled it. when we pulled away from Terminal C, a round Puerto Rican woman was almost nestled in my lap and D was spooning with her teenage son. there weren't no room in the inn and we would have driven right past Terminal D if the murder of people gathered around the Courtesy Parking Shuttle sign hadn't rushed us, pounding the side of the bus and hollering at the driver. their eyes rolled and stalactites of spittle glistened in their throats as they howled inchoately. i shrank back from the window where a white palm slapped and slipped squeakily downward, leaving a smeared imprint behind.

the driver cracked the door enough to address the mob of zombie-riders.
- we're full.
the zombies howled louder. their leader insinuated his hand into the inch-wide crack and gnashed his teeth at the driver.
- we're FULL - the driver repeated - but there are another two buses coming soon.

this had little effect on Zombie Commander, who grimaced and pushed his hand in further, forcing the door open another inch with his forearm. his fingers twitched and curled, grasping at the air. somewhere in the back of the bus a child began to cry. Zombie Commander's shoulder was moving through the crack now. i knew if those questing fingers got hold of the handrail we were goners. our brains would get eaten and i'd wander the land without rest until loucypher blew away my head with a magnum.

- sir please move away from the door. another bus will be along shortly - our driver said and took some pressure off the brake. the bus moved slightly forward. the Commander stumbled. sir, the bus is moving. please move away from the door.
he eased off the brake even more and in smooth syncopation opened the door half an inch. released from pressure, the Commander's arm slipped out while the bus moved forward. it was a masterful move on the part of our driver, whom i'm certain has practised this movement many times before. defeated, Zombie Commander bared his teeth and hissed.
- we've been here for forty-five minutes.
- another bus will--
- go.fuck.yourself.

we pulled smoothly away from the terminal. i looked back at the mass of teeming bodies.
- welcome to philly - i murmured into my puerto rican friend's ear. she nodded and when she grinned i saw a glint of light off her gold canine.



Manuel said...

good to have you back n that......

fatmammycat said...


finn said...

welcome back yerself. are you toastedgold as well?

fatmammycat said...

Nope, but I am going to need a new liver.

finn said...

ihearya sistah.

after deplaning in st. thomas you get a cup of complimentary rum punch on your way to baggage claim. that is my kind of place.

whereas, when you land in philly, you're liable to get coffee bukake.

fatmammycat said...

I'm deffo going on a serious detox come January. I've a mountain of work to do and I need my wits about me, so I'm thinking a 6 to 8 week cull is in order. I can ease back into a drunken torpor for paddy's weekend.

finn said...

dude we need a Motivation for BoozeHounds and ChowFats agreement, since with Jan & Feb come big base miles for what may be a long, hardcore season.

partners in crime so tae speak? (that's not to say there will not be a glass of wine here & there....)

fatmammycat said...

I thought we had agreed wine wasn't alcohol. But yeah, I'm totally in. Pass me my deputy badge.

finn said...

i remember that, i do!!

will we recover brain cells already sacrificed?

fatmammycat said...

I hear they regenerate, same as our livers and... WOOT!

finn said...

how many grams of milk thistle do you suppose would neutralise 750ml of rum?

fatmammycat said...

A half packet per home measure I'm thinking. However if I grind up and snort the milk thistle it will probably DIRECTLY combat the rum. Oh yes.

finn said...

a most creative idea, ms cat. but is there a danger of ending up with a collapsible kate moss nose?

goodness I'm glad D didn't put any rum in this rum punch. not that I can discern anyway.

Brown Suga' said...

'lcome back.