latest results from the beauty contest

now that the primaries and squawkuses are in full swing, we're finally getting a sense of what's truly important to voters. iraq's a hot button, certainly, as is immigration and the economy. the response in NH to hillary clinton's televised choke-up indicated that voters will support her if they believe there's a chance she's a mammal.

but such issues are secondary.

- i was sitting with your grandmother last night - my mom told me - and we finished the nursery rhymes book.

my grandmother can't string words together in a sentence anymore, but she can rap out poems, lyrics and random French phrases. so now she and my mom communicate through song.

- there was an Examiner on the table so we started paging though it, looking at the pictures. grandmother saw a picture of mitt romney and pointed at it. she looked up at me with big eyes. finn, there was life there i haven't seen in years. "good looking"? -i asked her. she nodded slowly and grinned like a little kid in front of the ice cream truck. this is his constituency!!

- mother. under NO circumstances can you allow that woman to vote.

- don't worry. i'm on it.

Mitt Romney: the undisputed choice of the demented.

you can read more about Mitt Skywalker and the other political gladiators in this Star Wars Guide to the Candidates.