Monday, March 03, 2008

the irish blog awards, and The Oracle

first of all, congrats to fatmammycat and twenty major for representin (FMC in spirit) at the irish blog awards saturday nite. FMC took best post award; twenty snagged most humorous post and best blog overall. congrats to both, and to arseblog for winning best sport blog.

now, let us speak of sport, which i don't do often because i know that playing with dust particles is more exciting than reading about so-and-so's training plan, unless so-and-so happens to be your competition and if you are my competition then i have done this blogging thing wrong wrong all wrong.

to some people, having the right coach is the difference between an All-American season and one that ends in june when you're burnt out on the sofa reading Lucky magazine and eating Mallomars. finding a proper coach can be an arduous process, and having just gone through it myself i feel qualified to offer this guide called:

HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT MULTISPORT COACH FOR YOU:
A GUIDE FOR DUMBFUCKS ACCUSTOMED TO FLYING BY THE SEAT OF THEIR PANTS AND SETTING UP THEIR BIKES IN TRANSITION AS THE STARTGUN SOUNDS

step #1. undergo a rude awakening. finding out that qualifiers for long-course duathlon (run-bike-run) worlds are only a month away is very effective. attendant upon this awareness are these realities:

  • - your first race of the season will be a worlds qualifier
  • - your second race will be another worlds qualifier (for short course), 3 weeks later
  • - you are just now coming off base. you have done NO speedwork.
  • - you will be off the bike for 11 consecutive days this month
  • - you are fucked
  • - you need professional help
  • - your bowels are hot, roiling liquid
2. while you're in the bathroom, text all your friends who have coaches and ask whether it's too late to get connected with them (it is MARCH, after all). don't discriminate, blanketbomb. beggars can't be choosers.

3. back at your desk, stare at your unresponsive phone and then recall a crazy pipedream idea E proposed on a ride. send an email to the 2004 elite world duathlon champion and throw yourself at his mercy, esplainin' you're seeking training & racing advice from someone who's:

  • - experienced, and successful
  • - okay training by feel not numbers, and not all caught up in heart-rate, wattages, V02 max or lactate-threshold. some people dig that shit. not me.
  • - appreciative of the fact there's life outside training and racing. there's whisk(e)y, for one, and 65hr work weeks.
  • - unlikely to get on your tits too bad if you spend a weekend in the boozetank or battling the Dog, instead of riding a bike.
4. SQUEEEEE when he says yes and run back to the bathroom.

so now, for the first time i have an Oracle to guide me and reveal certain truths -- like if i wish to place top 2 in my AG in carrboro, NC on april 6th i need to get on a bike as often as i can during those 11 days in scotland.

so, finn's world has undergone a seismic shift, and instead of lazily slouching toward a half-ironman in june we are rabbiting into race shape for april. huzzah! -and i need a nap.

4 comments:

fatmammycat said...

Huzzah and a side order of eeep. You'll most likely flourish under the pressure. And having an actual living breathing coach must be tremendous.

finn said...

it sure is, i hope so, and a side order of gulp, too.

meanwhile, it is a sunny 64F/18C and the bike she calls to me, as do the m&ms.

addon said...

whoohoo finn and all these mighty bloggers.

have a good time in scotland land of my birth is why it is famous and lang may yer lum reek!

Twenty Major said...

Cheers indeed, Finn. May your navigator always have fine eyesight and the sense of direction of a bee.