this is my bone stimulator...

this is my bone stimulator,
this is my gun,
this is for healing,
this is for fun.

this is my bone stimulator. it uses ultrasound pulses to heal fresh and established breaks, and purportedly it decreases by 38% the time it takes to heal a stress fracture. 20 minutes a day will do it – the rep told me then held up a hand to stop the question she knew was on deck – and you can do it twice a day, but there's no evidence to show increased benefit.

when it's working, you feel only the faintest vibratory tremor. it's not like galvanic stim where you crank the dial up to a pain threshold you think you can justbarely endure and spend the next 20min trying to not pee yourself.

thanks to PPO insurance coverage and a pro-athlete podiatrist who knows how to play the script game, the bone stimulator is mine for keepsies, and i see no reason why i shouldn't share my largesse with those who also might benefit. it is for that reason that i am proposing Bone Stimulator Parties @Chez Finn. so come all ye morsels sufferers: ye lafs with yer plantar fasciitis, ye jacks with yer fockered knees, ye Fs with your femoral stress fractures.

for such fit people, we're a pathetic bunch. who thought running and cycling could be so hazardous?? but the bone stimulator might just turn things around.