Wednesday, December 31, 2008

House of Toddler Horrors: 1 --- Finn: 0

happy new year and all that jazz. i hope 2009 brings peace & prosperity to you & yours blabbity blah blah enough about you, let's talk about ME.

let's talk about how for the past 5 days i've lived on jello and chicken broth (note no mention of WHISKEY) and you can still see the seams of my mum's sofa on my ass. this was the fallout from an unfortunate xmas eve gathering at the HoTH. here's a thought: if you have a virulently contagious upper GI infection (and you might know this since you and your wife are DOCTORS), maybe you shouldn't have 14 people over for dinner.

i did a lot of thinking during the hours i spent shitting gruel. i thought, how cool that even when it's holding back the yangtze river, your bunghole still works. (mostly) i considered how chicken broth exits in pretty much the same state it enters. and that begged the question, why can't you eat your own poo? poo comes from food, and there's nothing nasty introduced from the outside (like maggots, for instance, or nora roberts), so i am curious why a self-contained process that starts with something edible produces something that's not. and if you could, would it be safe to lick your own liver.

speaking of which, have a happy & safe new year's eve. see you in 2009.


Twenty Major said...

i considered how chicken broth exits in pretty much the same state it enters. and that begged the question, why can't you eat your own poo

But we do - Circle of poo

Happy new year, Finn.

finn said...

brought a tear to my eye & a quiver to my sphincter.

cheers twenty. miss you.

fatmammycat said...

Happy new year to you and your non edible poo. May next year be filled with jelly and running and the strength of many kittens.

finn said...

and infinite dogs, ms mammycat, and the head-scratching joy they bring.

my halfday of work's complete, and i'm off to victoria's secret. it is a new year's tradition.

Theo said...

My sister and b-i-l have a toddler and an infant. Fortunately they'd all gotten over their winter crud before we got there. Still... I've had my fill of the HoTH until, oh, let's say, fourth grade? That should be OK.

sing it.

finn said...

yes we know that song around here. even more popular is the "Word is a turd" variation.

hope the catcave holidays were warm & happy teho.

Theo said...

Not a turd.

finn said...

ooh. have you used this? how does it stack up against Open Orifice?

Theo said...

OK, you got me. I have used OOo quite a bit and like it fine, but all I know of AbiWord is reviews. They've been overwhelmingly positive, though, and generally struck me as informed.

It's a word processor ONLY, not a whole suite, y'know, so I'd guess it does its one thing really well. And hey, free.