have prunes, will travel

travel, and the change in lifestyle it usually ushers in, wreaks havoc on a body. you get stressed & excited; you eat differently. these factors, combined with the global change in daily routine, totally fuck up my bowels. in a new place, i can go DAYS without shitting -- though not for lack of trying! -- and whatever i finally produce is guaranteed to severely stress my bunghole and clog the crapper.

i now travel with prunes, and a knife for cutting my shit into flushable chunks. last week i brought neither, believing that a trip to a beachhouse a mere 80miles away didn't qualify as bowel-challenging. mistake. the toilet there was total namby-pamb, one of those jobs where the water swirls gently and meanders down the poop tube with a politely muted gurgle. i had no recourse but to lift some flatware from our favorite diner and spend some quality time in the bowl. if the lord really loved me, he'd give me only industrial strength crappers.

my system's still getting back to normal. this morning my crap and i had a war, me trying to flush it away while it resisted valiantly, poking its playful nose back into the bowl just when i thought i'd delivered it to Holding Tank Heaven. stupid turd made me late for my master's swim, and it's still sitting there waiting for me.