Friday, September 01, 2006

lance in paris

that bastion of gossip integrity, The New York Post, reports that lance armstrong's been consorting with paris hilton. now paris may be a vivacious young lady capable of scintillating repartee, but i can't help wondering what she and lance talk about. like, blow jobs, maybe? and, like, how they, like, put holes in your face?

"My mom told me that you get those holes in your face, craters... from giving blow jobs. "I totally believed her. She's like, 'It's from sucking.' I'm like, 'Ewwww!' "I told my boyfriend - he's like, 'Why don't you ever do that?' I'm like, 'Because my mom told me you get these craters.' And he's like, 'Paris, you're 19. You're allowed to do this.' "I've only done that (fellatio) with maybe three people in my life."
i didn't make this up, though i'm embarrassed to be able to reference it. the web is a terrible thing.

lance armstrong & paris hilton is just wrong. that's like ian thorpe & ... oh ... tommy lee. i'd dwell on this more if i hadn't just been struck by this:

upon further thought, i realise i have never seen these two men in the same place at the same time. and then i found this:

run with that, NY Post.


Theo said...

All your heros are whores... but sometimes, it rains fish. From the sky.

(So... deadline Friday, was it?)

Theo said...

PS -- I want beefy Henry Rollins arms too.

fatmammycat said...

I've 'heard' that ol' Lance and Matttew Mc Connaghey have been whoring it up big time, but maybe not with anyone else, 'cept maybe with one another. But that could also be Fg's biggest and bestest wishes. Still Paris? hum? methinks to much protesting...
fatcat's are us.

two sheds jackson said...

I seriously wonder about Lance and his inability to keep his laydees. I mean the git dumped the bird who got him through cancer, dumped the mother of his children (who had to go through all that implantation hell), and lost the singer. I'd say Paris is about what he deserves or possibly all he can get these day. Sorry - pass the cream - meow.

finn said...

two sheds, i think the problem with all of lance's ex's was that they weren't his mom. kiki was the best approximation so she got to bear his kids, but ultimately she too disappointed.

FMC -- lance and MMC? now that is a video i would like to see!

theo, when i dream you have beefy henry rollins arms. does that help?