Monday, January 29, 2007

role reversal

JR, MyCo's self-professed manwhore, appeared as a suppliant at my desk this morning.

- F tells me you know all about muscle tears and shit. i need help. i think i tore my trap lifting too hard on saturday.

- did you feel it tear while you were lifting? like did it totally give out?

- no, but it was really sore sunday morning and i couldn't lift this morning either.

- then it's probably just a pull. take a shitload of ibuprofen, stretch it and get a massage if you can. what're you doing lifting so much anyway? you gonna start body building? watch out -- you could end up prolapsing your rectum.

JR winces. for a manwhore he can be really pansy-arsed. he wigged out a bit during the centipede vid, for ex. (note: pansy-arsed ppl shd NOT click. u kno who u r.)

- i gotta get in shape for acapulco. - he and F are reliving their college days doing spring break down there in march. here's another thing i love about F: he's all muslim fast-during-ramadan, pray, clean body, family boy; then he goes utterly may-fly bacchanal, then returns home and grounds his brother cos he failed a calculus exam. and just like JR, he's in heavy lifting mode now too. gots to impress the lizadies - he explains, and just laughs when i tell him he's perfect the way he is.

so hah, you fuckers. for once YOU can grapple with the insecurities and dissatisfaction with body image crap. worry worry worry while i just don't give a flying fuck because i am running again and life is good.

GAD sent out a link to this YouTube vid to MyCo's inner sanctum, subjecting it "JR's last date."
"i would go out with her," i reply-all'd after watching.
his response was immediate. "you are her, finn."

not a flying fuck.
today, at least.

oh, and to the people on the treadmills to either side of me this morning?? -i'm really sorry about the garlic. it seemed like a good idea last night.


fatmammycat said...

Bleeeeeeee......ahahaahahahahah, bleeeeeeeeee, hahahahahahah no seriously bleeeeeeeee, ahahahahaha, aw fuck it. I'm sending it to Etheline, if she get's fired so be it I'm so congested I won't hear her screaming down the phone anyways. bleeeahahah hack hack cough.

finn said...

i came into work early one morning to find JR already at his desk. a picture on the wall near him was askew, and there were long, dark smudges on the plaster and bridal magazines scattered at the base of the wall.

- what happened? - i asked.
- dude, there was this huge fucking centipede crawling across the wall last night and i was all alone. it was like the size of my HAND. first i tried hitting it with my shoe but it got out of reach so i started chucking magazines at it. fucker still got away. i fuckin HATE centipedes.

so clearly, that vid is not for everyone.

i had to google ian benardo, btw. i am that culturally illiterate.

fatmammycat said...

I had a great post about dear Ian exuberating fatastisimsss or some shit last year, he is a true delusional nut of the highest order. By the way, I sent that centipede thing to Twenty, just got an email back saying we are 'fucking sick in the head, and what the fuck is wrong with that guy's dick anyway? Sick!'
I think he is either nervous of centipedes or waxy looking winkles.

finn said...

one man's sick is another man's porn, just as one man's meat is another man's Quorn.

Brown Suga' said...

[very very pale]

NOW I'm a pansy arse.

That boob-actor chick is funny, though.

finn said...

i swear -- i try to warn people and it's like moths to a flame. :)