Thursday, June 28, 2007

You got a question... you ask the 8-ball.

this is the Magic 8-Ball that loucypher gave me in exchange for the riding crop. it's so far proven 75% accurate, with a standard deviation of several donut holes. Magic 8-Ball predicted my last 3 wins and was right about joolieboolie being an alien though i didn't believe it at the time.

yesterday when E demurred my invitation to ride bicycles in a triple-digit heat index i asked Magic 8-Ball:
is E a big wuss?
and received this response:
Outlook Good.
so you see Magic 8-Ball is dead on.

i thought i would ask some questions about my blog friends and Magic 8-Ball proved very accommodating. for your edification, here are its responses to my inquiries:

did adam leave part of himself in the scottish highlands?
Outlook good.

will he and mrs. adam move to newcastle or sydney?
My sources say no.

will fatmammycat finish the 2007 dublin marathon in under 5 hours?
YES.

will fatmammycat's mammy ever start exercising?
Yes definitely.

[oops, time to recalibrate.]

did i just eat a banana? [i did.]
It is decidedly so.

['kay, back on track.]

is twenty major a cunt?
It is certain.

is kath's dog more annoying than my snorgoyles?
Most likely.

will mayra go to the seychelles when she's 18?
Ask again later.

will westolowski ever hook up with the chick from dengue fever?
Don't count on it.

will moz recover in time for the borgota show?
Very doubtful.

will teho become a full-time employee for CO?
It is certain.

will Bou warm to her kittens?
Cannot predict now.

will subhangi's animations bring her fame?
Without a doubt.

will she ever learn to relax, instead of working her ass off all the time?
My sources say no.

does manuel habitually dress in a french maid's costume at Little Miss Manuel's behest?
Better not tell you now.


i also asked some questions of a more universal and philosophical nature. i'm sure you were wondering these verysame things. well now you know thanks to Magic 8-Ball:

did humans cause the effects we're calling Global Warming?
Cannot predict now.

is there life after death?
Most likely.
are there krispy kremes there?
Concentrate and ask again.
...
My sources say no.

does George W. Bush really believe the ridiculous things he says?
Reply hazy. try again.
...
You may rely on it.

did paris hilton get cornholed in prison?
It is certain.

will george clooney ever get married?
Reply hazy. try again.
...
Yes. definitely.
to me?
Ask again later.


will the super-secret Tapeworm tracks ever be made public?
Most likely.

is danny lohner gay?
My sources say no.
are you sure?
Without a doubt.
like, 100% sure?
Without a doubt, asshole.

was my sunday school teacher telling the truth when she said my getting pinworms was the Lord's way of telling me i was full of sin?
Outlook not so good.
or was it because i ate a cup of dirt?
It is decidedly so.

[so fuck you, mrs. sklodowski. i'll be sending you an invoice for 8 years of therapy.]


is there anything else you'd like to ask Magic 8-ball? we're here to serve.

Super Secret Tapeworm Sesh.
extra credit if you can name the guys here w/o wiki-ing.

12 comments:

addon said...

I had to google 8-ball. An 8-ball is not something i have seen down here in Oz, but they may be abundant, what would I know? Well, at least the the one you are talking about. I do know the 8-ball in pool (as long as you call it pool in Ameriky.) Not that I know how to play pool. Well, I know how to play, you hit the thing so that the other thing lands in a pocket. is there more to it than that? I spent every single maths (with an "s" for me) tutorial in my last year at University playing either snooker or billiards or bridge. Still passed the maths exams no problem. They don't use 8-balls in bridge. Or snooker or bridge for that matter. I could probably make an electronic equivalent of this 8-ball for your mac, you type in the question, it'll cough out an answer ... "Ten of the possible answers are variations of "yes", five are ambiguous, and five are variations of "no"."

We have Krsipy Kremes here, my grand-daughter bulk buys and takes them to school sports days, sets up a little stall, makes some good money .. one year she was dialling the pizza place and doing a roaring trade. Takes soft drinks in a cooler for resale too. Smarter than I ever was.

Yes, part of me is in the highlands, parts in so many other places it is surprising there is so much left. More than I started with in fact. No, we will not move to Newcastle or Sydney.

You could ask the helpful orb:

will finn buy a generator to take to the cabin in maine so she can play with her Lapple?

Manuel said...

"does manuel habitually dress in a french maid's costume at Little Miss Manuel's behest?"

It is certain.

Also re the foto, I wanna say Soundgarden but its probably that abomination that came after...

fatmammycat said...

Slipknot without the masks?
That eightball thing is astouding. So accurate, it's almost 'reiki' like in its accurosity.
Folly the yelly brick linky. Part of your post reminded me of this, you might need to get with it, jiggy like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFec2N1Ugdw

finn said...

the GAD turned me onto Little Britain, says it plays on this thing called TV but i just watch the YouTube highlights.

noon deliverable?? sorry client, computer says no.

not slipknot; not soundgarden or any chris cornell flavor whatsoever. you both get points for obviously not cheating though.

adam i knew you could make a Magic 8-Ball. in fact, my first question was is adam smarter than stephen hawking? -but we were just getting warmed up and i didn't trust the answer.

re: the generator purchase:
My sources say no.
:(

fatmammycat said...

But..but then what arya gonna do? No Lapple? For days and days n'stuff. Urgh me no likey, sounds worse than cold turkey to me, sounds like cabbage.

finn said...

well i could always drown myself in the lake if it gets really bad.

but you've gone off rum and coffee, right?

fatmammycat said...

Day five. Day f-i-v-e.

finn said...

it only gets easier.
(so i've heard.)

fatmammycat said...

Yeah, well we'll see 'bout that. Who're the dudes?

Theo said...

will teho become a full-time employee for CO?
It is certain.

comeoncomeonbigmoney! BIG MONEY!

will Bou warm to her kittens?
Cannot predict now.

Fortunately, it seems she is, in proportion to how much better she's getting from the URI (1 Clavamox tablet every 12 hours).

Also, "Without a doubt, asshole" : LOL.

and PS -- I only recognize Danny and Trent in the session photo, meh... although the guy on the far left looks like... damn, somebody not normally seen in this context, like I think he's an actor, except he normally has hair... again, damn... OK, IMDB'ing: got it. Favreau.

Theo said...

OK I had to post one more comment, because here's a better shot of Jon and Famke... plus bonus pix of Famke and friend.

finn said...

ah teho master of kitteh, typepad (yes right?!?) and my fancies, i knew you'd save the day. or Eat it.

given 6inches and 50lbs, maynard james keenan might be a dead ringer for jon favreau. and that's atticus ross between DLo and TR, in the background as usu. i wish trent would release his stranglehold and let the tapeworm stuff leak.

nice collar on the famke's friend there. and the j-dog used to have a frisbee like that but i think he sunk it in the pond. for a border collie he's sometimes dumb as a stump.

glad to hear bou's improving.